#351 The Martians Are Coming
There's a lot more going on in farm country than cow milking and sheep courting.
There's real science going on, and not just developing new growth hormones.
Take the case of Dipindaharda, Texas, where all kinds of reputable citizens swear by everything holy (and there's plenty of holy in Dipindaharda, Texas,) that they've seen a fleet of sleek, new unidentified flying objects. Reputable down there doesn't exactly mean reputable. But, okay. You've got a pilot, a cop, a member of the Good Ole Boy's council, a country singer, two farmers (one with sheep and one with cows,) and an ex Marine sergeant all saying, in effect, the flying saucers have landed.
Actually, the Martians abandoned the flying saucer around the same time the United States abandoned prop-driven passenger airplanes. The design wasn't working in either case, at least not as well as newer technology. That would mean the jet down here and the flying triangle up there. The former is more efficient, faster, easier to maintain and cheaper. The latter? Don't know. There are no aerodynamic problems in space, so a saucer should be as efficient as a triangle in zero gravity and zero air. But once inside a planet's atmosphere, the triangle could be more aerodynamic and therefore more efficient than the saucer.
This is a leading indicator that the Martians who come here and to other planets (a) have their own energy crisis, and (b) want to reduce the greenhouse gases they produce. Kind of a good neighbor policy. Anyway, flying triangles.
Flying triangles with lights. And the lights change patterns.
Dipindaharda Senior Deputy Sheriff Lawrence "Leather Larry" Luckhardt says "the lights keep changing. It's like a light show. Very cool." Actually Deputy Leather said "Them thar lahts..." But it's hard to catch the dialogue in print.
Experts from the World Flying Saucer Center, the WFSC (they have to modernize that name!) say the lights are advertisements from businesses on Mars, sponsors of the flight. (Free enterprise thrives on our neighboring planet. No government subsidies for these interplanetary excursions.) The President of the EFSC, Hans Fertig, an astrophysicist and first man to levitate on the White House lawn, says "when the ships take off, they rise slowly through the Martian atmosphere, and the lights are easily visible to Martians on the ground for hours. So some of the larger industrial companies and some service businesses have used the lights to promote themselves. It keeps costs down."
Back in Texas, Col. A. Harley Burkett (USMC-Ret.) says that "the triangles made no sound. And they were flying very low to the ground." He also says he saw one of the strange aircraft "chased by a couple of F-16 from the air base over the hill."
A check with the air base elicited three different responses. When the UFOs were first reported, a spokesman for the base, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he wasn't authorized to speak said "I cant talk about that." A check-back one day later and he said "those weren't our planes. We had no planes in the air at the time of the reports. And a week later, he said, still speaking on condition of anonymity, that they indeed DID have planes in the air over Dipindaharda that night, "so what they saw was us."
A spokesman not authorized to speak, speaks. And we believe him.
By now, of course, the Martians have established a base camp in Texas farm country, and sent their ad-bearing flying triangles back to Mars for supplies.
Somebody call Chertoff.
I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.®