Fight of the Century

#368 The Fight of the Century

Politicians are always promising to fight for us. Probably better than having them fight against us. But why is it we need to be fought for?

Someone bullying you? Um, maybe the question is "anyone bullying you except the guy who's promising to fight for your rights?"

Probably. The corner gas station, your mortgage lender, your credit card companies. Maybe your age, your occupation, your employer, your employees and they guy who keeps sneaking trash into your garbage can, filling it up and pretending not to know that you know.

Any elected official going to fight your gas station, mortgage lender, credit card company, age, occupation, employer, employees and that reverse-trash-bandit? Not likely.

They're fighting for your rights. Your right to go to war, or to stop going to war. Your right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. They're fighting the Washington/Albany/Austin/Sacramento bureaucracy. They're fighting for "the little guy." Fight, fight, fight. Anything vague enough so that they can get away with claiming victory or at least bravery.

Politicians are not the only ones guilty of fake fights. Even disregarding pro-wrestling, there are all kinds of fights going on.

Joe Schmoe died after a long battle with cancer. Some battle. Poor old Joe "fought" by lying in a bed with a bunch of tubes in his arms and various telemetry gear reading his every breath, heartbeat, change in blood pressure and a host of other things. Joe's fighting by lying there. Doesn't sound like a fight. But it's called one.

Patient Schmoe doesn't feel like he's fighting anything. But if he could rise from the dead, he would probably clock the obituary writer who described his last hours as a fight.

The teachers' union and the board of education are "fighting for the children." Oh. How are they doing that? By making sure there are 76 holidays on the annual schedule? By floating bond issues to build monumental new buildings? By attending seminars on the which ever coast they're least near?

Gun owners are fighting for your right to bear arms -- which is not the same as your right to bare arms, but equally dumb. "We'll fight for the right to own Uzis to protect our families from..." from whom? Guys who don't have Uzis? And how are they fighting? A real fight would see them heading for Washington and punching out Ruth Bader Ginsberg for what they see as bad decisions. THAT's a fight. Unless, of course, Justice Ginsberg packs heat. In which case, they'd fight by yelling at her.

Even real fights don't seem to be so fight-ful anymore.

Guy walking down, say, Guy Lombardo Avenue in Freeport, NY, is jumped by half a dozen guys with baseball bats. That's not a fight, it's a massacre.

World War II. That was a fight. Ali vs. Spinks II in September of 1978. That was a fight. The rest of the stuff is just blown smoke.

We have to find a new term. The old one doesn't mean anything, anymore.

So here's a promise: This column will attempt to find a new term. Notice, "attempt," or "try" or "strive" or "move." But it won't fight for it.

I'm Wes Richards. My Opinions are my own but you're welcome to them.®
©WJR 2008