Monday, April 28, 2008

#391 The Stimulus Checks

#391 The Stimulus Checks

Jed Clampett, eat your heart out. You may have found oil on your rural slum and made a fortune, but that's chicken feed. We have stimulus checks from our Esteemed Leader and all is well in the land.

The government is giving back more than $100 billion to us peasants. And we are so grateful.

Now, maybe we'll make the June rent. Or we can top off the tank, buy a couple of potatoes. Even pay down part of the Master Card.

Six months ago, Our Fearless Leader was telling us the stimulus checks would put the economy back on track. It would cause investment and that would create jobs. Only one guy believed that, the President. And maybe he only pretended to.

No one believes that now, not even Dubya. Nope. Now he's saying we can fill up the tank a couple of times and maybe have steak once this quarter.

Stimulus, my nose.

The checks really were a double edge bribe. Edge 1: Remember this president fondly, because he gave you money. Edge 2: Since the president is a Republican and generous, you should vote for McCain. McCain means money in your pocket.

Buying votes is as old as democracy. Bribes are older yet. Won't work this time. We're too savvy and too cynical. Not that we won't take the money. It's just that we think of it as our due, a bribe we've earned tenfold for putting up with this guy and his cronies and his wacky ideas.

The Bush war, the Bush recession? The checks should be a lot bigger. But we'll sell out cheap. No one will turn his back. Well, no one but Giacomo "Jack" Muscatelli from Seaford. He's got the envelope ready. Stamp and all. And he's got the letter written. He's just waiting for the check, which he will endorse "pay to the order of George W. Bush."

"This guy needs it more than me," says Jack. "Poor sonofagun's got the whole world mad at him, and I don't need it. I got tomatoes in the yard, I don't drive and I can manage the Visa bill. This guy's gonna be out of work in a few months. Let him have my share."

Jack may not be the only one. Lots of people are getting ready to sign their checks over to the President.

Most of us will take and use the money. And we'll be grateful for it. We will fill the gas tank, pay the electric bill, maybe take the kids out to dinner (Denny's? burger King?,) maybe stash a few bucks extra in the checking account.

But no one's going to hire anyone based on a one-time "gift" of a few hundred dollars. No one's going to buy any shares of GE or Citicorp.

It's all very stimulating. Jed, you've got company.

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.®
©WJR 2008

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