Friday, August 08, 2008

#433 Oh, Waiter, There's a Fish In My Yogurt

#433 Oh, Waiter, There's a Fish In My Yogurt

This is not exactly about the Great White. But I am being pursued by a school of killer sardines.

Not a pretty picture for a guy who's allergic to fish.

First, my favorite soul food restaurant started adding sardines to their bacon and eggs, and didn't say so.

Now, there's sardine in my yogurt. Yes, yogurt.

To make a healthy and delicious food into something even healthier, they've added... SARDINES. And ANCHOVIES. And TILAPIA!

It's right there on the label. But who reads yogurt labels.

Blueberry-Tilapia. And you CAN taste it.

That's how I noticed. "Hey, this blueberry yogurt tastes fishy."

"Well, sir," replied the customer service doily, "that shouldn't be. But there IS fish in it. We put it there to boost your Omega 3."

Omega 3? I have Omega 1. It's a 52 year old watch. It's in a drawer. Can't find Omega 2, except the movie. Omega 3? Helps build bodies 12 ways (eight ways if you're old enough to remember the original Wonder Bread.)

And there's Tilapia in the gel that they add to the yogurt "for consistency." Tilapia and beef. And they call it kosher. (Um, the largest ingredient is milk, if you add beef, the kosher thing goes out the window. Truth in labeling.)

Doily: "We'll send you a coupon for some free yogurt."

"Do you have any without fish?"

"Um... no."

"Keep the coupon. I probably won't live long enough to get to the store again, anyway. The fish allergy, you know."

Click.

Lesson 1: if you have fish allergies, read labels.

Lesson 2: if you read the label and there's fish in the yogurt, you can choose to not buy it, a beautifully elegant free market solution.

Lesson 3: don't eat yogurt -- just to be sure.

The old joke, "waiter, there's a fly in my soup," never was funny. Neither was its best known counter-joke:

"Waiter, there's a fly in my salad."

"Oh, I'm sorry, sir. It belongs in your soup. I'll fix that."

We the fish-averse are being discriminated against.

The peanut-averse have a lock on screaming labels.

'THIS CANDY BAR WAS MANUFACTURED IN A FACILITY THAT ALSO PROCESSES PEANUTS!"

That's a pretty common screaming label.

We fishniks have to find another way.




Shrapnel:

--British Petroleum should learn some British manners. The game card from the gas station says "you are NOT a winner." Give me a complex, it will.

--Paris Hilton's energy policy makes more sense than either of the Presidential candiates'. So maybe she's not as dumb as we thought. Or she has better speech writers than either McCain or Obama.

--Salim Hamdan, Osama's driver, was convicted of war crimes. That's good for the war on terrorism, but bad for two states. Guy still owes ten grand in moving violations in Manhattan and the black car is illegally parked in front of a hydrant in Jersey City.

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.(R)
(C)WJR 2008

No comments: