489 Spy On Yourself

489 Spy On Yourself

Phone taps, computer monitoring, sneaky and underhanded spying on Americans? Some of us who aren't targets feel left out. No one thinks we're part of the Evil Empire or the terrorists who are hiding behind every rock -- except ours. It makes those few of us who aren't spied upon or who THINK we aren't being spied upon feeling we're second class citizens.

Here's the solution. Spy on yourself. Install security cams in your house -- every room. Tap your own phone and listen to the wiretaps to make sure you aren't secretly saying or doing anythingterroristic . Maybe have a trusted friend or neighbor in to review the transcripts you make. After all, you may be evil without even knowing it. Then, get a keystroke monitor for your computer. You never know which sites you'll be visiting.

Don't make those cameras too obvious, though. Hide them in flowerpots or behind wall hangings. Maybe a hidden microphone in a lamp or two or in a fruit bowl on the dining room table. In an extreme case, you can go outside and peep into your own windows to make sure you're not doing anything dangerous -- except maybe risking arrest as a peeping tom.

And then there's your car. Better get a global positioning system if you don't already have one. You want to know where you've been, after all. Oh... and make sure your cell phone's always on. If you play your cards right, you can track yourself and know everywhere you've made phone calls.

The government may or may not be spying on you. If it isn't, it's because the resources aren't there. But remember, the government doesn't trust you and you shouldn't either.

Economic times are tough. The government can't afford to spy on absolutely everyone. If you're one of the Americans whose been cut out of the domestic spy program or (good heavens!) too insignificant to be in on it, you can muster some good old fashioned American get-up-and-go and spy on yourself. It's your patriotic duty.


Shrapnel:

--Bernie Madoff is a giant in his crooked field. The schemer and Ponzi artist is the stuff of which legends are made. But when you look at the damage he's done with his fake investment scheme, which robbed the rich and the children, you have to wonder what his genius might have accomplished if rightly channeled.

--Payback: The car companies are just like you when you go for a car loan. They're sitting in the finance office, waiting to see whether their loans are approved. And they're trying to control their bowels and urinary tracts while they wait -- just like you do.

--To make a statement, Khrushchev pounded his shoe on the podium at the UN. The middle east reporter who threw his shoes at President Bush also was trying to make a statement. Neither meant anything real, but remember that shoes are something more than what was in Imelda Marcos' closet.

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.(sm)
(C)WJR 2008