623 FiOS And Friends

623 FiOS And Friends

They keep sending ads for FiOS, funny spelling and all. That's Verizon. They have something to sell, they sell it. Hard. Primarily to existing customers.

Crystal clear high def fiber optic pictures. Crystal clear high def fiber optic sound on TV AND on the phone. Lighting speed internet service -- equally crystal clear and high def.

Enticing discounts and low fees for the period of the contract. Amazing stuff. Dazzle you with 500 channels, cheap phone calls and web browsing with microwave speed.

Okay, enough with the brochures, the mailings, the leaflets. Let's see what you can do.

The not-so-fast Verizon DSL connection leads to an equally not-so-fast FiOS website which tells us "Sorry, FiOS is not available in your zip code." Two years of sales pitches, sometimes more than once a week, and two years of "Sorry."

In an era of micro-niche marketing, you'd think they'd send this stuff only to people who can actually buy it. Not these guys. They're pouring money out the door to get you to open it and come in -- and when you do, there's nothing there.

And you wonder why your regular phone, DSL and cell rates are so high? (Hey, fellas, how are you going to blame THIS idiocy on your shrinking unionized workforce? You'll find a way.)

Tony the installer is down the street. He's a fellow member of the Communications Workers of America. "Hey Tony, my CWA brother, when we getting FiOS?" "As soon's they can figure out how to get the fiber optic stuff from the street to your house."

"But they already have wires from the street to the house." "Yeah, but that's copper. It's different from fiber."

That's the ticket.

Is there something special about the conduits around here that make it hard for Verizon to install fiber, but okay to run copper? Tony doesn't know. He says call tech support.

We all know what that means. A telephonic visit to the Philippines or India or somesuch and no answers.

Of course, this brings up another point. What else are people pushing that you can't get? The answer: not much. The Chevy "Volt," maybe or "Real New York (pizza/ bagels/ hard rolls/ cheesecake)" anyplace but New York... Maybe Windows 7. Other than that, not much. Verizon could teach the rest of the marketing world a thing or two.

Shrapnel:

--Why don't they number doctors' prescriptions like they do bank checks? That would make some of those funny 'scrips easier to trace when people steal or trade in them. And why didn't someone think that up ages ago?

--At the doc's office recently, a Hispanic receptionist, accent and all. Felt like home. But at home, it wouldn't have.

--What's the one word you don't want to hear a nurse say when the doc is cutting something off you? That's right, it's "oops." Fortunately there was a prosthesis store right around the corner from the surgeon.

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you're welcome to them.®

©WJR 2009