Wednesday, June 22, 2011

877 Condo Life

877 Condo Life

One of the great pleasures of life on exiting Moote Pointe, NY for Mount Tantamount PA was leaving behind a garage full of things like shovels, rakes, post hole diggers and a couple of pretty decent, rarely used and perfectly working lawn mowers.

Moving into a condo means never having to mow or shovel again.  Even rarely.  But it doesn’t mean never having to do stupid scut work again.

“Memo
“ From: Sgt. Schultz Real Estate Management, Inc.
“To: All residents of Cutsie Condos.
“Subject: Exterminator
“On Wednesday, June 1, 2011, Stompem Exterminators will be on site to spray the exteriors of all homes, to protect them against insects and rodents.  Please be sure to remove all items from your decks and porches.
“The insecticide will not harm your children or pets.
“In case of rain, the work will begin the following day.”

So everyone dutifully cleaned up the deck furniture and put it and the plants, grills and the bird feeders inside the house.  Well, it rained on the first and the second, and part of every day until the 13th when Stompem Exterminators finally finished the job and everyone put everything back out.

On the 15th, comes another mailing:

“Memo
“From: Sgt. Schultz Real Estate Management, Inc.
“To:  All residents of Cutsie Condos.
“Subject: Power washing.
“On Friday, June 17, 2011 The Famous Flugelhorn Bros. will be on site to power wash all decks.  Please be sure to remove all items from your decks and porches.
“In case of rain, the work will begin the following day.”

So everyone took the deck stuff inside.  Again.  Outdoor furniture, plants and bird feeders.  Cleaned.  Again.

And, of course, it rained on the 17th and part of the 18th, a Saturday.

The Famous Flugelhorn Bros.  are two beefy guys -- nice, fellas, who take care of mowing what passes for grass around here.   And bright and early Saturday, there they were, both of the Flugelhorns .  Only, where was the power wash machine?  Nowhere in sight.  Instead, they were on their riding mowers, mowing the pseudo grass and the sand immediately beneath it.

“Hey Floog,” says a Cutsie Condos homeowner, “What about the power wash?”

“Oh,” says Floog, “the pump broke down.  We’re waiting for a part.  Not exactly sure when it’ll arrive, but as soon as it does, we’ll be out here washing.”

If we put the deck stuff back outside, the part will arrive and the pump will get fixed that day.  If we leave it inside, the part will arrive and the pump will get fixed in August.

Oh, and last time they power washed we all had to pay an assessment.  This time, there’s no mention of that.  Which means come January, the Cutsie Condo fee will rise.  Again.

Shrapnel:

--You gotta love the five hour computer “glitch” that kept the Friendly Skies free of United Airlines and its new subsidiary, Continental the other day.  This so-called merger has made it possible for a single cup of coffee spilled on a single computer in an obscure location to ground not one but two major airlines.  The post-“glitch” headline talked about the airlines “recovering,” but what about the customers’ recovering?

--What are they thinking department.  Poland Spring (Nestle) is now making available bottled water with fluoride added.  What’s the point?

--Little known factoid:  Poland Spring also makes Gin.  “No, officer, I haven’t been drinking, I just brushed my teeth with Poland Spring water.”  Oh, look, this isn’t Poland Spring WATER.

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com.  
© WJR 2011

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