Friday, May 11, 2012

1016 Dish Washer Logistics

1016 Dish Washer Logistics

The first logistic problem is deciding whether “dishwasher” is one word or two.  Because the spelling police prefer one, you’ll see it here as two.

But the main issue is how much stuff do you put in and where do you put it.  We all know that the lower shelf gets hotter than the upper.  So putting “dish washer safe” stuff made of plastic or rubber you know automatically you put on the top shelf so it doesn’t melt and ooze all over everything else.

And since you load the machine throughout the day, running it only once to save water and electricity, you’re constantly rearranging everything in it.

The teeth rising from the bottom shelf seem skillfully designed to hold... nothing.  The spaces are not narrow enough to hold a flat plate up straight and they’re too big to hold a bowl or a bowl-shaped plate upright.  So you’re forever placing and re-placing stuff so they kind of prop each other up.

Then there’s that square hole dead center in the bottom shelf.  You have to keep it “clear.”  Why waste that space?  Here’s information could save you from finding out the hard way:  the hole sits over the center of what looks like a ceiling fan in the base of the unit.  During the wash cycle, water pressure pushes a collapsible telescoping phallic symbol up through that hole and it squirts hot water all over everything.

This telescope and square hole arrangement is hidden from young prying eyes and questioning little minds, thank goodness.  Else GE, Kenmore and Kitchen Aid would constantly be hit with porn charges.

Then there’s the basket that holds flatware.  The intuitive thing would be for you to put all the spoons in one, the forks in another and so on.  But that would be wrong.  Not only is your dishwasher performing a sex act behind closed door, but it’s a big advocate of diversity.  If you don’t alternate utensils in the little places they don’t wash properly.

Damn Godless liberals at Maytag.

You do this for awhile and you get to be pretty good at arranging things.  Especially when you screw up and have to hand wash everything when the cycle is over.  After you inspect them... after you clean the steam off your glasses.


Shrapnel:

--You can’t make this stuff up.  A police car in Syosset on New York’s Long Island caught fire the other day.  It was parked in front of the village fire house.  The guys inside watching a security camera saw the flames coming from the engine compartment before the cops could make a 911 call.

--Dud grenade department.  No one commented the other day on this space’s definition of an Israeli centrist.  Maybe no one reads this far down on the page.

--A drug store in Kansas submitted a total of 1,000 prescriptions for each of two Medicare patients last year.  When people get sick in Kansas, they must get really sick.  Impossible to believe that there’s any other explanation for something like this from those upstanding heartlanders... is there?

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2012

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