Friday, February 14, 2014

1292 Valentine's Day

You didn’t forget, did you?  If so, and if you’re reading this early enough in the day, you still have a few hours to redeem yourself… and you know you’d better.


Pick out something romantic for him or her.  Jewelry, flowers and candy are traditional. Toasters, gift cards from Taco Bell, and cactus plants are not.


In the age of equality, it’s not just the guys who buy the gifts.  Ladies, since you saw your guy for more than the customary half hour on Sunday, you should take that for a sign that the football season is over, so tailgate gifts are out.


Men… depending on YOUR significant other, a heart-shaped box of candy will usually do, though she’d probably prefer a tastefully elegant diamond and won’t eat much of the candy because she thinks she’ll get fat… which even if she does, you have the good sense not to mention... and to lie about when she asks you.


If you’re going for the diamond and she isn’t with you when you bought it, make sure the return policy will let you take it back because …  It’s too small… It’s too big… we can’t afford that… it’s not her style… it’s the wrong color… she doesn’t have pierced ears… she DOES have pierced ears and by now you should know that, you dummy.


The same advice holds true for shoes and handbags unless they’re sold as an ensemble… they have to match.  And what guy knows what THAT means.


If you and she are not married but are “together” making her February car payment is acceptable. Paying her rent is not.


You have to wonder what the real St. Valentine thought about that back in the third century.  Probably nothing.  They didn’t have heart shaped candy boxes in those days. And you couldn’t just pop into Zales or Kay for something shiny and expensive.  Pretty much everyone grew her own flowers and anyone with a couple of sticks of wood to rub together had her own toaster.


Happy Valentine’s day.  May your relationship mark Valentine’s day EVERY day.  And if it does, please spill the beans about how you make that happen.


Shrapnel:  


--The areas hardest hit by the latest snows along the east coast and a bit inland are starting to dig out.  But mass transit still is telling lies about on time performance.  All except the airlines which have no way to hide those cancellations.


--The Comcast acquisition of Time Warner Cable? Both friend Tom Preston of Freeport, NY and Andy Borowitz made the same point, which Tom put thus:A representative of the new company will explain the deal a week from Tuesday, sometime between 9 AM and 7 PM.”


--Apparently there’s been a string of safe stealing in North Woodmere on New York’s Long Island.  One resident tells the local CBS TV station that hers weighed 500 pounds and burglars just pried it off its footing. No seasoned safecracker would pull a job like that.


I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2014


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