Friday, May 23, 2014

1335 The Electric Bill

Time for a few thoughts on wall hangings.

You know, the stuff that you put on walls that are neither pictures nor degrees and certificates of some kind.

I am going to frame and hang my latest electric bill.

Why?  Wait a sec, while I give you some background.

I’ve always put stuff on walls that doesn’t necessarily belong on walls. A pipe from a pipe organ, a balalaika my mother brought back from a tour of the Soviet Union in the 1970s… figures of elves made from scrap metal by a goofy wonderful artist and her blowtorch.

A couple of months ago in utter frustration we had installed a tankless water heater.  That way more than one person could take a shower either one right after the other or even at the same time  -- we have two bathrooms.  

Previously, you had to wait half a day while the second of our two consecutive failing tank heaters heated enough water for a second shower.  And heaven forbid we ran the dishwasher or did the laundry with warm water.

These tankless jobbies are expensive… with a capital E.  Maybe four times the price of the traditional models.

And the high price did not include running gas lines which also was expensive with a capital E.

When the gas bill arrived, it was a bit higher than usual, but that was expected.

When the electric bill arrived it was … zero.

You heard right… zero dollars and zero cents.

The utility company had overestimated the previous bill by a good bit and this time did an actual reading.  When they overestimate, I over pay. Next time, they even it up.

But never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect to see a zero electric bill.  Nor do I expect ever to see another.

But this one is going to be framed and hung.  And not just with one of those dimestore frames, either.  It’s going to get a custom made, designer designed, imitation museum quality frame you could put on a wall in the Met.  Maybe the Louvre. One of those faux carved faux gold curlicues.  Maybe a couple of angels with harps.

And it’s going to have a motion detector-activated  overhead light.  And maybe some music.

I don’t want anyone who comes in to miss it.

You want a first hand look? Give me a call.  I’ll be right here in the shower.

Oh, and the new water heater?  It, too is a wall hanging.

Shrapnel:
--Where is Yul Brynner when you need him?  Imagine a coup in Thailand when he was running things. All the people would still be happy and singing on key.

--NBC’s Brian Williams spent four hours recording an interview with Eddie-the-Mouth Snowden.  A cut down version is to be broadcast next week, but you don’t have to wait that long. Wikileaks will have it on its website before that.

--Here’s a dog bites man story: Sears reported a lousy quarter and may close more of its stores and K-Marts.  You can bowl in the aisles, so apparently many people think the stores are already closed.  And a repeat of a prediction made here years ago: This outfit is going to turn itself into a REIT and make a bundle.

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2014



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