Wednesday, September 10, 2014

1381 Chris Christie's New Job

You know by now that fake moderate and famous traffic expert Chris Christie has no chance of becoming President.


But don’t feel too sorry for him.  He has a new job all lined up.  


Exorcist.


Non-sectarian exorcist.


Yes, the governor of New Jersey is perfect for the part. He has no clerical training.  He’s big.  He’s tough.  He’s intimidating when he’s angry.  And he doesn’t much care for demons… especially those in his own administration, those evil spirits who caused the traffic problems in Fort Lee, of which he knew nothing, nothing!


Think about it.  Think about Mia Farrow, frail and delicate, as the female lead in “Rosemary’s Baby.”


Could the demon she was carrying withstand a tirade from Chris Christie.


Instead of all the rigmarole to exorcise, all Christie would have to do is glower a little in the direction of her belly.


If need be, he could threaten and bully.  But you have to see things from the demon’s point of view.  If you were it, would you want to tangle with this guy?


Nah.  You’d fly away, heading for Skokie or Denver.  You would be thinking “Who needs this (bologna?)”  


There are few full time exorcists left.  Usually the church sends a priest with some training. And only when the person asking has undergone rigorous examination by experienced and learned investigators.


Is there a market? Do some research.  Open up the classified.  Or click on the on-line Yellow Pages.  Go to “E” and see if you can find an exorcist.


Nobody there.


Christie would be a natural.  


Granted, there isn’t a lot of call for this kind of skill.  But in his spare time, he could found a for-profit school and conduct classes.  He could write his memoirs as a celebrity demon banisher.  And if need be, he could make a few extra bucks by advising traffic engineers on the side.


Plus exorcism is a whole lot easier on the nervous system than politics.  Christie wouldn’t have to have people worrying about his weight or his general health.  He wouldn’t have to lie on job applications if he’s convicted of anything.  And he wouldn’t have to worry about Governor stuff like defunding education, busting unions and attending ribbon cutting ceremonies.


Best of all, he would again be beloved and effective.  There is no downside to this.


And Rosemary’s baby could become a historical drama. A little something PBS to show during its fund drives.


Shrapnel:


--The latest trial of the century starts in New York today. Drug company executive Gigi Jordan, 54, is charged with murdering her 8-year old son two years ago and describes it as a mercy killing because her “...husband was abusive.”  So let’s get this straight: the way to end abuse is kill the victim?


--Henry Kissinger says Iran is a greater threat than ISIS.  He may be right.  But no one’s paid attention to him for 30 years, back when he was only 60-something.


Grapeshot:


--After an initial mad gobbling sale, the newly introduced Apple Watch is going to be the company’s biggest flop since the “Newton.”


I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2014

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