Note: Adult language, adult content.
That sausage catch in your throat, Mr. Speaker? Next time have your Banana Boat Breakfast Slam with bacon instead. And drink the coffee without sugar or … um… cream.
Ah, Dennis, you roly poly bundle of all American joviality, what’s a rich guy like you doing in a dive like this?
Denny Hastert, former Speaker of the House and now disgraced crook and possible boy boinker. A former congressman from a flyover town in Illinois who got rich and now is accused of violating the banking law to bribe a guy who says he acted inappropriately a million years ago when Denny was his high school wrestling coach.
The bribe was to be $3.5 million. But you hadn’t yet paid it off when the FBI stopped you. Your excuse for withdrawing all that money? You don’t trust the banks? All of a sudden, you don’t trust the banks? All of a sudden you have the urge to run barefoot through a wading pool of small unsequenced bills?
So how do you go about becoming a multimillionaire on a congressional salary? Even with the bonus bucks they give you as speaker?
Easy. Buy up cheap land on a proposed highway route… then use your position to make sure the road gets funded. And finally, sell the cheap land for gazillions. Anyone can do this. Anyone in a position of legislative power and with access to inside info and suckers who sell for pennies and other suckers who lend you pennies. Nothing to it.
Oh, and then throw your considerable weight around as a lobbyist. That’s good for a few coins, no? So Denny’s gone to court and apparently now spends his days wandering around his backyard, says Mediaite.com, “like a Sasquatch.”
No worries, chap. You can do the same thing in the exercise yard when you eventually get there.
Meantime, let’s staple the guy’s pictures on telephone poles or print them on milk cartons just to protect the little kids in Illinois.
And Denny, have breakfast at Denny's again some day soon. It's a good introduction to prison food, but with better coffee.
--Let’s see… do we have this straight? Jeb Bush is not (yet) running for president but collected scads of contributions and announced he’s shuffling or replacing members of his campaign team? How do you have a campaign team if you don’t have a campaign?
--Let’s hear it for Sacramento’s former Fox40 television anchor Sabrina Rodriguez, candidate for entrepreneur of the year. She and her fiance had a nice business selling bargain priced leather goods, redefining "purse snatcher." Authorities say she got them the old fashioned way, she stole them.
Twitter CEO@Dickcosolo out. Cites Wall St. pressure. Resignation letter = 140 characters & spaces:"take this job and shove it as of 7/15"
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2015