1586 Kale, Kale, the Gang's All Here

1586 Kale, Kale the Gang’s All Here

Uh oh.  Kale can make you sick.  It says so right in Woman’s Day Magazine so it has to be true.  (Bet you didn’t know there still is a Woman’s Day Magazine.)

A news guy with impeccable credentials and excellent reputation posted the article on Facebook.  Two more reasons to say it has to be true. (Name on request.)

But wait.  Isn’t kale supposed to be the miracle veggie that cures everything from iron deficiency anemia to beriberi, to ingrown toenails and dental cavities?

Doesn’t it help lower your cholesterol, ease digestion, maybe even lower the risk of some cancers?  The website World's Healthiest Foods says all this and more.

But here’s part of the article in Woman’s Day:  

In a recent study, molecular biologist Ernie Hubbard found that kale—along with cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, and collard greens—is a hyper-accumulator of heavy metals like thallium and cesium. What's more, traces of nickel, lead, cadmium, aluminum, and arsenic are also common in greens, and this contamination affected both organic and standard produce samples.

Plus it tastes awful and it looks and chews like a green Brillo Pad soaked in Angostura Bitters.  So now what do we do?  

No more “cleansing” juices, kale/broccoli/cauliflower and fruit juices in which we sneak in kale?  Do we decommission our Ninja blenders and Nutribullets?  Send Fred Waring back his Waring Blendor?  (That’s how they spelled “blender” when they first came out.  Honest.)

How much arsenic really is in a handful of kale?  Or Aluminum? Or Cadmium?  Has anyone actually died from kale poisoning?

Broccoli, sure.  But kale?  No one uses enough at a time to do any real harm, right?  Cabbage?  Sure.  Especially when it’s made into coleslaw.

When someone in a TV mystery drama kills someone with arsenic, they slip small quantities into food and drink. It builds up.  Voila! Murder.  But as anyone who watches the daily Forensic Files marathon can tell you with PhD level authority that crime labs can find that stuff in a corpse.

Since the marathon went on the air (it seems like ten years ago but it wasn’t) arsenic and antifreeze poisonings have plunged.  Who would willingly eat enough kale to die?

Where are the nanny-staters who want you to stop smoking, drinking, having coffee, pot, sugared beverages, fried chicken and gluten?  Has one single charity been formed?  Why is there no Mothers Against Kale?  People for the Ethical Treatment of Edibles (Peta.) Where are the FTC, the FDA, the CDC?

Where are the supermarkets with a buyback program?

C’mon gang, here’s something unworthy that’s easy to give up.  You don’t even have to make a New Year’s resolution to break later.

Shrapnel:

--Fred Waring lived and died in State College, PA and was born in nearby Tyrone.  Appliance dealers and departments were so shaken by his passing in 1984 that they removed anything with his company name on it from their shelves.  And you still can’t buy one anywhere in either town.

--If low pay isn’t a good enough reason, here’s another one to keep you from a career in journalism.  The Business Insider website reports that the stress level is 95 out of a possible 100 points in a report from the Labor Department.  On the other hand, that’s a lot lower than urologists (100%,) Police, fire and ambulance dispatchers (99) and acute care nurses (97.)  Oddly enough, air traffic controllers didn’t make the list, which casts suspicion on the whole study.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2016