Wednesday, December 14, 2016

1733 The New Bank Strikes Again



SOUTH DOGPATCH NC (Wessays) --  When you’re dealing with people in the low IQ states you have to watch your tongue.  They speak another language in the Confederacy.  

So when the bank that bought the bank that bought your bank sends you on regular wild goose chases, you have to be careful.

With some major exceptions the banks that are too big to fail have learned to deal with retail customers.  This is not out of any sense of wanting to do business, but it cuts down on the calls to their outsource-ees in Bhopal and Manila.  We are pests, cockroaches in their kitchens.

The little guys, the friendly neighborhood banks and credit unions still know you on sight and probably remember your name. But it’s the mid sizers that have trouble.

Not going to tell you which bank has a good case of short man syndrome but its name is similar to a famous sandwich.

And their online “service” is a joke.  They keep fiddling with their website and the ripple effect ripples right through the lowly customer.  When you ask for help they don’t give it to you until you ask twice by which time you have locked yourself out of your account because you can’t remember whether the answer to your security question is “San Francisco,” “SanFrancisco,” or either of the above two but in all lower case letters.

At the branch, it’s the flesh version of the electronic stonewalling.

“You want to do what?” … “Oh, that has to be done by a manager or an assistant manager or a deputy assistant manager. Mervin and Moonunit are off today and Amber is in a meeting.”

Answer this question, bonkers bankers: “Why does it take 24 hours for a cash deposit to show up in an account?  Do you first check each bill for fraud?  What if my cash doesn’t clear?”

New checks arrive in origami boxes.  They work great if you can put them together or have a crafter from Tokyo as a neighbor.  Or you’re one of the sadistic instruction writers at Ikea. Otherwise, just throw them into a drawer and try to remember which drawer you threw them into.

And don’t expect results from your threat to find a new bank.  Banks don’t care whether you stay or go.

Grapeshot:
-First use of the term “low IQ states” is generally attributed to the newspaperman Jimmy Breslin whom we thank.

-Show of hands, folks: how many of you know the origin of “uppercase” and “lowercase?”

Shrapnel:
--So two Texas oilmen joining the cabinet already larded with generals. Great. At least now the overnight attendant will be protected when the holdup artists arrive at the gas station… except for Lukoil which has its own security.

--Wait a minute.  Rick Perry running the Department of Energy?  Does he even know there is a Department of Energy?  Or did he maybe once know but now has forgotten?

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2016

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