1721 Closing the Gap

Back in the day, the New York Herald Tribune Fresh Air Fund brought boys and girls from the city out to the country for part of the summer.  The city kids woke up to what was out there beside their high rises and projects and cement and noise.

The paper is long gone. But the Fresh Air Fund is alive and well and doing what it’s been doing for more than 100 years.

It’s time to add a reverse project.  It’s time to bring a busload or two of rural kids to the city to find out how the other half lives.  Like the Fresh Air folks … start early.  Before the preconceived notions take full hold.  

These children deserve to know that it’s not all hunting and fishing and flag waving and pickup trucks and church on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights.

A ghetto is a ghetto no matter the scenery.  Don’t think for a moment that urban children, once exposed to the nights of crickets and cicadas weren’t afraid.  They got over it.

A ghetto is a ghetto no matter the location.  Don’t for a minute that buildings the size of mountains won’t frighten newcomers.  They’ll get over it.

By summer’s end, the Fresh Air Funders learned that there’s nothing icky about free roaming frogs, turtles and rabbits.

By summer’s end the country folk will learn that they can use their hunting skills to depopulate roaches, that they can’t catch a pigeon in their bare hands and that people with brown skin are pretty much the same as people with white skin.

Arguments like this will end: “they talk funny.” “They dress funny.”

You have to start with the children. They don’t yet know everything --everything, and they still think they have the time to change things.  And they do.

Today’s Quote:

“...[R]ural whites are suspicious of big institutions and big government, located in big cities with big populations of people who don’t look like them.” -- Charles M. Blow, New York Times columnist.

Grapeshot:

-So now we have a White House where one top adviser is a tool of the floppy eared GOP elephant, Paul Ryan and another who is a white supremacist, anti-gay, anti-woman anti-muslim enemy of the Jews and who rose to prominence only because his Jewish boss died and left him in charge of a budding hate website now in full flower.

-Every once in awhile it’s nice to write a coherent sentence that runs more than 60 words.

-Proposed holiday gift for the kids who have everything: top secret security clearance.

-Trump has kind of given up on the southern border wall but continues to evaluate the alternative plan: flooding Mexico with Brazilian river water.

-Why won’t Google let me mark emails to myself as spam?

-To those 65 and older:  before you renew your  Medicare Advantage Plan check the 2017 Formulary to make sure they haven’t moved Bayer or St. Joseph Aspirin into the tier where the co-payment is 11-hundred percent.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2016

1720 Mrs. Malaprop's Second Marriage

Talk about longevity.  Mrs. Malaprop has been with us since playwright Richard Brinsley Sheridan introduced her in “The Rivals” in 1775.

She’s the lady who got words mixed up.  Weapons of mass production… the patient received a blood transmission… walking a torturous path.

Mrs. Mal’s new husband is Mr. Euphemism.  (When they met, she called him Mr. Eupheminist.) Yes, in 241 years she’s learned to choose the right word at least sometimes.  And now she’s working on getting all of us to join her in deluding the language.  Oh. Wait. Diluting.

“Eek, a mouse!” Has turned from frightened to post traumatic stress disorder.

This isn’t exactly new.  It kind of started when the Department of War became the Department of Defense.  And let’s not forget Ronald Reagan’s “Peacekeeper Missiles.”

But since the marriage, euphemizing has spread like butler.  Uh… butter.

We have no more mechanics.  But we have lots of automotive technicians.  We have no plumbers or furnace repairmen.  We have plenty of Heating, Ventilation and Air Conditioning contractors: HVAC consultants.

We don’t have problems, we have issues and challenges.  A kid who flunks third grade gets moved ahead to fourth anyway and we call it a “social promotion.”

Beauticians and beauty operators are now “stylists.” The woman who sells you a lipstick is now a cosmetologist.

Movies used to have producers. Now they have executive producers.  And some have more than one, which is a violation of the law of physics that says no two objects can occupy the same space at the same time.  (We used to call it the Pauli Exclusion. But why use two words when you can use 12?)

Sometimes we use dilutions in different ways. Example:  At a newspaper, the Executive Editor outranks the Managing Editor.  At magazines, it’s the other way around.  These titles are dilutions of the terms “Editor” and “deputy editor” or “assistant editor.”

Dictionaries don’t help.  Where once they were prescriptive, they’re now descriptive.  That means if enough people use a word wrong, it becomes right. It says so right there in the dictionary.

So by now you may be asking whether the former Mrs. Malaprop was divorced or widowed.  The latter is correct.  But that first marriage lasted so long she retains some of its characteristics. No. Wait. Instead, she hasn’t fully shape shifted.

If she does, you can say she found a new paradigm.

Ah, for the simple life. Or the life that eschewed the convex.  Uh… the comPLEX.

Remember… when Yogi malapropped, he did it on porpoise.

Today’s Quote:

“Uber.” -- Barack Obama asked what his next job will be.

Shrapnel:

--All of a sudden and at long last the rural/urban divide has become a topic of interest.  Too bad it didn’t happen sooner.  The vast ongoing explosion of suburban influence is changing the equation and no one knows exactly how or by how much, but it’s a move to the right, not the left.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2016

1719 Trump Does Not Exist. Yet.

Congratulations to us, America.  For the first time in history we have elected a fictional character to lead us.

Donald Trump is a figment of some bad novelist’s imagination.  He’s a kind of combination of Archie Bunker, a Vegas Elvis impersonator and Mister Bluster.

Too bad whoever wrote the novel didn’t include Edith, Tom Parker and Buffalo Bob who might have muted some of the motormouthing.

Edith kept Archie more or less in hand.  She “yessed” him to death, then did exactly what she thought she should.

“Col.” Parker was an illegal immigrant from a country that doesn’t supply us with many, the Netherlands.  But he had no fear of capture and deportation or even discovery.  He curbed every bad move Presley wanted to make along with a goodly chunk of his income.

Mister Bluster was a wooden marionette and Buffalo Bob Smith carried both matches and scissors.

We have no clue about what the president-elect stands for, will do, will want to do or will get the cooperation of the party he challenged, his own. And we don’t know which of two contradictory statements delivered within the same hour to believe.

But if we can all go gaga about Harry Potter, we can at least give Trump a chance to show us what he’s made of.  We have our theories, of course.  But let’s test them… at least long enough to get an idea of what’s really happening.

Trump said more foul things in public than any other presidential candidate in the lifetime of anyone reading this.  Did he mean them?  Did he mean the retractions?  Did he mean the un-retractions?

He gave a gracious and dignified victory speech.  Is that more or is it less believable than “Mexicans are rapists” or “Muslims should be banned?”

Does he mean it when he says he wants to spur economic growth with government spending?  That’s a decidedly un-Republican viewpoint.  The post election stock markets seemed to think he does.  But what about the cowardly Paul Ryan and his merry majority in the House or the twirling-eyed Mitch McConnell und Cie in the Senate?

So there’s hope.  Always, there is hope.

Today’s Quote:

“So the election was a shocker… it… figures people like Giuliani, Christie and Trump would haunt me in Texas after I left NY… and then there's the white working class who believed the BS and lies that kept coming out of Trump's mouth.  They are in for a shock when things get even worse for them. Don't people remember that old saying - never trust someone who says ‘trust me’?”  --J.M. Richards of Austin TX.

Grapeshot:

-Attorney General Giuliani has a nice ring to it, kind of like the sound a steel girder makes when it falls off a highrise and hits the sidewalk.

-Secretary of State Gingrich is what you hear when the Giuliani girder is followed down by a sandbag.

-Note from a friend: In meeting with Obama Thursday, Trump talked tough “but looked petrified.”

-From another: Now that the election’s over… how about a look at those tax returns?

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2016

1718 Wall to Wall Coverage

We intended to make today’s post an analysis of the election.  But the situation and its ripple effects are so complicated that analysis beyond results needs a little more time. Maybe a lot more time.

Results you can get anywhere by now.  So let’s concentrate on what my fellow media types did to make sure you were the most informed electorate in the history of bipeds.

Or maybe the most over-informed.  Or maybe the most swamped with confetti.  Or wet, cold, mind-numbing eye glazing, ear pounding, breath shortening spaghetti.

Everyone started vying for your attention early Tuesday morning… direct attention to the actual voting. Attention demands about the election have been constant from everyone forever.

But Tuesday, it was time for the main event. And that ramped up what we thought was the un-ramp-up-able.

From early morning until the first exit polls to the poll closings on the west coast, the minutia of what might happen spilled from our TV and computer screens.  Dozens of people supposedly with the inside story -- any inside story -- carefully reported speculation, either original or from reliable sources most of whom were ready at the drop of a ballot to go on camera or on the internet and do what they do best… spew sweet and sour nothings.

After awhile actual counting began.  In between all that, we saw Hillary Clinton vote in Chappaqua and Donald Trump and his lovely wife Petrushka limo-ed three blocks to their polling place. And then we saw them again in ten minutes… and twenty… and on and on.

We got the lowdown from people standing in front of maps and charts and splotches of red, blue and yellow.  We got historians.   We got former political operatives some of whom were actually “former.”

We got a lady in Utah who said “I can’t believe I voted for Hillary.”  It didn’t matter. The independent conservative won.  We got a guy who looks like BB King in North Carolina who said “I can’t believe I voted for Trump.”

In Pennsylvania which should be re-nicknamed the Voter Screwup State… reports of voting machines that registered Clinton when you pushed the Trump button.  

Don’t let that keystone fall on your head on the way out.

In New York: reports of busted voting machines.  What would an election be without busted voting machines in New York?

Enough blinding computer graphics, intoning anchors, babbling pundits, and the endless time-filling, time-wasting drivel that fell out of TV sets and iPads.

The question now is “Now what?”

And we don’t know. Because (shudder) President- Elect Trump (shudder) has been vague and varied about his “solutions” from the start.  Talk about buying a pig in a poke.

But we won’t die. At least not right away.  And both major political parties are still mid way through their obvious effort to self destruct.

But there are some points to be considered next time:

• Take all the experts and analysts and lock them up inside anything but a TV studio.
• Don’t assume that voters will vote for anyone or anything you consider “normal.”
• Remember that mud washes off.
• Skip the wall to wall coverage.

Shrapnel:

--An update on an item from Monday.  The good people at the Oakwood Avenue Presbyterian Church in NewRoses PA allowed me to vote even though I had “ABSENTEE” written on my forehead and on the registration list.  But not before I signed a solemn oath that my ballot never arrived and the precinct captain went through the entire pile of absentee ballots to make sure I wasn’t trying to put one over.

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2016

1717 Your Election Scenario Guide

Tomorrow is election day, so gather your list of tombstone names and photo IDs and head for the polls.  Your votes count, especially if you live in one of the hundreds of misshapen districts put in place by thoughtful winners of earlier stolen elections… and if you agree with the views of the mis-shapers.

Here are some possible outcomes for you to ponder:

1. Trump wins.  Democrats become the majority in the Senate. In this case, nothing gets done. Except maybe finding the next Tony Ducks Scalia to sermonize and ridicule from the Supreme Court Bench. The rich get smaller tax cuts than hoped for. We go to war with someone.

2. Trump wins and Republicans retain the Senate Majority.  We go to nuclear war with someone.  They actually dig a foundation for the wall with Mexico. Muslims are mandated to wear yellow armbands with crescent symbols.  Wayne LaPierre moves into the Lincoln Bedroom.  Secret Service officers and FBI agents trade their confining business attire for the less restrictive white sheets.                                                     
3. Clinton wins and the Dems take the Senate. Ah! Hillary -- a REAL Republican.  But one with some flaws. She becomes the first woman President and solicits donations -- via email -- for Air Force One from Goldman Sachs. We go to war with someone. She resumes the military draft and it includes small children who can be assigned to clerical duties in some random war zone where they’re expendable. Barack Obama is confirmed as the ninth Supreme Court Justice and immediately heads for the golf course.  But at least he doesn’t go duck hunting with Dick Cheney.  

4. Clinton wins but Republicans retain control of the Senate.  Tax cuts for all. But since we all know that poor people (and Donald Trump) don’t pay taxes, the reductions will go almost exclusively to job creators who will -- as has been the case for years --  not create jobs because Clinton, ties to Wall Street notwithstanding, has undermined confidence in the market. We go to war with someone.  Obamacare is repealed and replaced by a chain of federally owned leeching clinics.

See? Your vote really does have meaning.  Your grandchildren will be proud of you because one winner or another you will have succeeded in helping reduce America from superpower to the more humble status of a third world Banana Republic. And in two years when your crooked congressman comes knocking on your door or making robocalls, you’ll risk arrest if you don’t volunteer to put a couple of Tubmans into his outstretched palm.

Today’s quote:

“Yes.” -- Rep. Charles Rangel (D-NY) in answer to the question are you glad to be retiring after 46 years on the Hill?

Shrapnel:

--Your correspondent normally votes absentee because he is house-of-worship-averse but this year the requested ballot did not arrive.  So he will try to vote in person tomorrow, though local authorities may not let him.  Full report in Wednesday’s post.

--Florida Highway Patrol Officers responded to the report of an abandoned 2014 Fiat-500 with a missing wheel on the shoulder of an interstate and found it to be stuffed floor to ceiling with a combination of striped and polka dot fabric.  Turns out it contained the remains of 21 clowns apparently en route to the Ringling Brothers winter quarters.  And that is why there have been no recent reports of scary clowns lurking in wait to molest little children out playing after dark.

Note to readers:  I made up the Rangel quote. But if he’d been asked and answered “no,” he’d be nuts and while Charlie is a lot things, nuts isn’t one of them. -WR

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 1816

That’s not a typo.

1716 Wait 'til Next Year

FINAL: Cubs 8 Indians 7 (10 innings) Cubs win series 4-3.

Wait ‘til next year? No. Don’t.  It IS next year. At last. “Wait ‘til next year” was so much a part of lives of Chicago Cubs that Wednesday’s World Series win almost drew that response from fans.  They’ve had more than a century of practice and the reaction has been reduced to involuntary.

The Cubs hadn’t made it to a World Series since 1945.  And they hadn’t won one since 1908.  One hundred and eight years of “wait ‘til next year.” And next year finally arrived.

Chicago, ahead 6-3 until the 8th inning, when Cleveland tied it up.  Still tied in the 9th.  An extra inning coming, and we’ll be right back to play it after this rain shower. Seventeen minutes of rain.

That’s so theatrical you’d think it had been scripted.  But how do you script a downpour? When play resumed Chicago pulled ahead for good.

OK, folks, it’s only a ball game, right? Nah. It’s not. It’s an exciting moment in what used to be America’s pastime -- which now is arguing about emails and obamacare and wikileaks and Syria and Brexit and immigration.

Even those of us who don’t pay attention to baseball unless the Yankees are playing in the postseason, this cliff hanger of a series got plenty of attention.

After game three, Cleveland was one game away from a sweep.  Then the Cubs came back to win four in a row.  That doesn’t happen, does it?

Well, yes it does.  Yes it did.

And in game 7, the senior citizens held the key to victory when Chicago second baseman Ben Zobrist hit a double and with a single from Miguel Montero pushed two runners in.

Senior citizens?  The average age of a major league baseball player is 26-ish.  Zobrist is 35.  Montero is 33. Roll out the wheelchairs.

That this happened wasn’t exactly a shocker.  Chicago won 103 games this year, the most in the majors.  A season like that can scare you.  What tragedy will befall “us” as we start the World Series?  What curse will grip?  Some clever sports writers said Chicago won “with help from above.”  Yeah.  Rain comes from above and gave new life to the fading hopes.

Today’s Quote:

“You can’t tell players they’re in a first rate organization and give them third rate facilities.”  -- Cubs chairman Tom Ricketts in Time Magazine after buying the club for $845 million from the Chicago Tribune and pouring another half billion into renovating storied but crumbling Wrigley Field.

Shrapnel:

A glimmer of hope about the election comes from an unlikely source, the Country Music Association’s annual awards program… on TV at the same time as the Series game.  A lot of well received joking and parodies of Donald Trump, unusual for a group that tends to vote Republican but is generally silent in public about politics.  If Trump can’t win the country music voters, chances are he can’t win America.

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2016

1715 The Libertarian War on Structure

News Item:  Lyft and Uber drivers in Boston and Seattle are accused of discriminating against minority passengers.

True or false?  Who knows?  But who will find out?  There’s no real mechanism.

If the driver of a yellow cab in Manhattan refuses to take an African American to Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn at 3 o’clock on a Sunday morning, the rejected passenger has recourse.  He can do several things:  (1) report the cab and driver by name and number to the Taxi and Limousine Commission, (2) Ask the driver to take him to the NYPD Midtown North command center and then when the driver stops tell him he’s changed his mind and wants instead to go to Atlantic Avenue.

The front door of a police station is a lousy place for a cabbie to illegally deny a passenger his ride.

When the Uber or Lyft guy discriminates, who ya gonna call?  The drivers are not employees.  They’re not even independent contractors.  They just free wheeling drivers of their private cars, probably driving for extra bucks and probably without public transit insurance.

Geico may revoke his overall insurance. But it  will not investigate and prosecute.

The gig economy has turned ordinary Americans into sovereign states, or so they claim.  Amway salesmen, department store clerks, postal franchisees and many doctors are now free agents.  Oh, sure… there are licensing agencies.  But “First do no harm” now is followed by “Second, don’t take patients if you don’t like their skin color or the way they wear their hair.”

All of this is ripples in the pond radiating from the stone marked “I am an island.”  It sounds sooo American.  “I’m free to be me (and screw you.)”  But it isn’t.  

The framers of the constitution believed in structure and compromise.  They believed in laws and courts and law and order and individual rights -- but with limits.

They were building a country with only a small percentage of the current population and size.  And they were building a country for themselves -- first generation Americans or immigrants from countries where everyone looks alike. (Translation: Protestants with light skin.)

If you’re a regular visitor to this space, you’ve heard this before:

1. Government is more than a business.  It is infrastructure.
2. The grandmother guru of the Libertarians, Ayn Rand, called them whim worshiping hippies of the right and disavowed them.

Yes, you’ve heard it before.  But it’s worth repeating as a wild 70 year old infant and a worn and disliked old school republican in a Democrat pants suit rampage through the landscape encouraging the rich to get richer and promising to make that easy while paying lip service to ordinary people.

But people in need are still drinking the Kool Aid.

Shrapnel:

--The end is near.  At last. But if you think the election next week will finally drain us of our collective vitriol it won’t.

Today’s Quote:

-“If America were a marriage, we’d need counseling.” --David Brooks.

Grapeshot:

-Go Cubs!

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2016