Monday, April 03, 2006

Your Call Is Important To Us

(68) Your Call Is Important To Us

You have reached the White House. Please listen carefully as our options have changed. You may make your selection at any time. To hear about how the President is helping you with prescription pharmaceuticals, press 1. To hear about how the President is helping you with Katrina recovery, press 2. To hear about how the President is winning the War On Terrorism, press 3. To hear how the President is fighting America’s addiction to foreign oil, press 4. To return to the main menu, press “star.” For all other calls, press 5.

(pressing 5.)

Due to an unusually heavy call volume, all White House operatives… um… operators… are assisting other callers. Please stay on the line and the first available white house operative will be with you in a moment.

(music on hold: “I’m an Old Cowhand, From the Rio Grand.”)

All operators are still assisting other callers. Please continue to hold, or, for answers to your most Frequently Asked Questions, visit our website at dubya dubya dubya dot dubya dot gov.

(music on hold: “Onward Christian Soldiers.”)

Did you know that you can write to the President directly? Just drop him a card at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC 20500.

(music on hold: “The Wiffenpoof Song.”)

All operators are still busy assisting other citizens and guest workers. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered by the first available operator.

(music on hold: “Dixie.”)

Your call may be recorded for quality assurance and training purposes. Please stay on the line.

(music on hold: “Send In The Clowns.”)

Finally, Operator: Good Evening, this is the White House, how may I help you?

Caller: Well, my cable television got disconnected by mistake and I was wondering if the President could get it re-connected tonight?

Operator: Maybe you could call your local cable company? The President’s meeting with the new Prime Minister of Israel right now, and then he’s going for his nightly jog. So, he won’t get to that before morning, sir.

Caller: I was really hoping to watch “House, MD” tonight, and it’s almost time.

Operator: Gosh. Let me see what I can do. May I put you on hold for a moment?

Caller: Sure.

Operator: I’m S

Caller: Please don’t apologize. It doesn’t do any good.

Operator: Okay, sir. One moment please.

(music on hold: Marty Robbins “El Paso.”)

Operator: Sir, the President says he can take care of that tomorrow morning, right after breakfast. But he says if you call Senator D’Amato, it might get done faster.

Caller: I thought Senator D’Amato was no longer in the Senate.

Operator: Well, he isn’t, but he still has more influence with the Cable Guys than you’d think. You can catch him at home for the next hour or so.

Caller: Well, thank you for your help, operator.

Operator: I’m really sorry about y….

Caller: Please don’t apologize. I voted for this guy because I thought we’d get some action. But apparently I was wrong.

Operator: Sir! The President is winning the war on terrorism.

Caller: Yes, But I still can’t see my “Law & Order” re-runs.

Operator: I’m really sor…

Caller: Please don’t apologize.

Operator: Yes, sir. Is there anything else I can assist you with?

Caller: Yes, if you would, can you help me understand Medicaid Part D?

Operator: No, sir, you’ll have to call Senator D’Amato for that, too. And thank you for calling the White House.

I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.™

©wjr 2006

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