Monday, July 03, 2006

Illegal Ailiens from Outer Space

105 Illegal Aliens

The Usual Suspects are circulating an internet mass mailing about Superman. They say the latest of the movies is part of the vast left-wing conspiracy to kill America.

They say that the movie espouses causes other than “Truth, Justice and the American Way,” among the stuff that originally put Superman on the radar.

Since he was born on the planet Krypton, there is talk that Superman may actually be an illegal alien.

Nuts. Superman came down from Krypton with the full sponsorship of his publisher. he had a job (think if you earned a year what HE earns a year.) He became a citizen as soon as earth broke off diplomatic relations with krypton. such foolishness, fair and balanced as it may be.

Batman was born here. Capt. Marvel and Wonderwoman were born overseas but of American parents. The Power Rangers are Canadian but have work visas. C'mon, guys... this is nonsense. (There have been reports of undocumented superheros congregating in the parking lots of Home Depots and 7-11s, making lewd remarks to women, and in general becoming pests. But Immigration and Naturalization will not stop them unless they use their superpowers for such stuff as stealing potato chips, using their x-ray vision on said women or leaping moderately tall buildings in a single bound. This latter violates FAA regulations. Even native born or legally naturalized superheros have to file flight plans with the Department of Homeland Security before they attempt a building leap.)

There was one superhero who claimed to be more powerful than a locomotive, but since no one knows what a locomotive is anymore, no one paid any attention. He has since gone on to pull trains and other heavy objects on the TV show “World’s Strongest Man,” something a REAL superhero would ever attempt.

So far, none has shown himself as faster than a speeding bullet. Anyway, today, there's no speed limits on bullets. That's all been deregulated. They’ve figured out that the Constitution allows us to have bullets, speeding or not. (Even though the second amendment refers to “arms,” but not fire-arms. Hence we can argue that the Founders thought there was no difference between a slingshot and an H-bomb.)

We sure do get hung up on the illegal alien thing, both the outer space kind and the apparently more threatening and emotional out-of-country kind – mostly those from countries where Spanish is spoken (note, spoken but not always written. Or Chinese, Vietnamese or –Perish Forbid!—North Korean. Who cares about a Polish illegal, right?)

The illegals everyone’s all huffing about should probably dash into a phone booth to change into more Clark Kent-ish garb. But there are even fewer phone booths now than there are locomotives.

I'm Wes Richards, my opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.

(c) 2006 WJR

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