Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Missile Tests

106 Missile Tests

They have no helmet law here in Moote Point. They did once. But no more. That means you can splatter your brains all over the highway without fear of getting a ticket on top of death or injury by crashing your Harley into a tree.

It turns out that it’s also perfectly legal to sell fireworks here, unlike saner places.

Big tents and bigger road signs all over the place. Every Worm-Mart has one in the parking lot. So this past July Fourth, everyone had a private fireworks show, in addition to the huge “formal” one the town put on.

A quick trip around the place shows no sign of any major fire damage. Cool. Mootepointers are smart! They can set off fireworks and ride motorcycles and not kill themselves or burn their houses down.

The laws are big money-savers. The cops don’t have to go around chasing down 911 calls about fireworks. And they don’t have to waste time pulling over un-helmeted bikers who might return the favor by beating them up. (Most cops around here are either too young to know much or too old to be working. Neither is up to a fight with a bunch of beer swilling, chain-swinging angry hog riders.)

So you figure this area is full of laws to keep cops safe and to keep bikers free as the breeze and to keep the fireworks tents in business.

So far, so consistent, right?

Okay, then put THIS in the mix: there seems to be a way to register a car without having proper insurance. How do we determine this? By the zillions of local TV ads that show us how to “keep legal” or “stay legal” or “get legal” by buying auto insurance.

Most places require car owners to carry insurance. Most places won’t allow you to register a car without first showing that you HAVE insurance. THIS place, apparently doesn’t.

Ah, freedom. The breeze in your hair. The Swirling Dervish red-white-and-blue sky blinder explosions. No insurance bills. What could be better!

The other day, the North Koreans launched a missile without a permit. This scared hell out of the President and his counterparts all over Asia.

The missile didn’t do much damage. In fact, it was no more reliable than a 1990 Kia Minivan. But it did cause a fuss. Maybe it was supposed to. (And yes, the Kia is made in SOUTH Korea.)

If the Northies wanted to test the thing and world opinion at the same time, their test was a success even if their missile wasn’t.

If they just wanted to test the missile, they should have come here to The Pointe.

They could pack it in a fleet of uninsured Kias, or on the backs of a (larger) fleet of

Japanese motorcycles, set it off here without fear of detection and gone home with a real result.

It’s possible our ever-alert, well-funded, well-equipped Department of Homeland Security would have at least questioned a bunch of Koreans in strange Army uniforms or white lab coats marching off a plane carrying “diplomatic pouches” that looked suspiciously like the noses of missiles or rocket launchers.

Possible. But not likely. They’re watching for Bin Laden in Cheyenne.

I'm Wes Richards, my opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.

(c) 2006 WJR

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