Wednesday, August 09, 2006

The Search for Searches; Javits Syndrome

121 The Search for Searches; The Javits Syndrome

Did AOL publish your search data?

Nah, not here, either.

Pity.

That means we’re both still anonymous.

Those whose search info was released showed … what? They like (or dislike or are interested in) dogs? Porn? Poker?

All in the name of academic research.

Fred Ottoman (who is neither a footstool nor an empire,) at Moote Pointe U says the AOL disclosure did, indeed, help in a large scale study of people who wash peanuts in the holds of cargo ships before they’re brought ashore.

Ottoman is researching the effects of hydrated peanut dust on those with nut allergies. He does not say why the AOL search data disclosure helps in that regard, since there are few computers aboard nut carrying steamships. But Fred insists that it’s necessary to know the identities and interests of nut jobs.

The privacy crowd is righteously miffed about disclosure of enough information to let you identify some of the searchers.

But some of the rest of us feel left out. We want our 15 megapixels of fame.

Here’s the “morning read” on THIS computer: Gmail, Stella guitars, New York Radio Message Board, the NY Times, Yahoo News, Google News, Google Finance and Bloomberg dotcom. Not very exciting, eh?

That would lead the AOL guys to think the people who use this computer are literate and interested in the world around them.

It also might mean the people who use this computer are showing off for the researchers or the other spies in our midst. Plus we may be clever enough to hide our tracks when finished with enquirer.com, WWE.com and girlsgirlsgirls.ru.ca.

In Other News:

--That disgraceful Mr. Lieberman was defeated in the Democratic Primary for the US Senate nomination from the Grrrreeeaaat State of CT. Taking a page from the Jake Javits playbook, Sen. Lieberman is to run as an independent, probably propelling a lot of phone traffic between A. D’Amato, the principle beneficiary of Mr. Javits’ idiotic decision, to his Republican counterparts in the Greeeaaat State of CT. (Note to AOL researchers: Had to look up the spelling of D’Amato.)

--That disgraceful Ms. McKinney lost her runoff in the primary for a congressional nomination. She’s been in and out of congress for maybe 14 years. Slugged a cop. Known to her colleagues as Lady Farrakhan. Bye bye.

(Note to AOL academic researchers: had to look up McKinney’s name and the spelling of Farrakhan.)

--That disgraceful Mr. Bush dissed Los Angeles Times reporter Peter Wallsten for asking a question without first removing his sunglasses. Wallsten is mostly blind and legally blind. (Note to AOL researchers: had to look up Wallsten’s name and where he works, and that wasn’t easy.)

Said self-same Mr. Bush wore Elvis style sunglasses while conducting a tour with the Prime Minister of Japan. (Note to AOL researchers: should have looked up the name of the Prime Minister, but who cares.)

Once again, Bush was “proving” he was better than Poppy and Presidenting. Not only did he conquer Iraq and remove “SAD-im,”) but he managed not to puke on the Prime Minister of Japan.

(Note to AOL researchers: no searches were conducted for the previous two sentences. This stuff, we have memorized.)

I'm Wes Richards, my opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.

(c) 2006 WJR

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