Monday, October 09, 2006

Eat Your Heart Out, Felix

147 Eat Your Heart Out, Felix

Only in America. A cat that doesn’t make you sneeze. Eight grand and you have to wait a year for yours- and answer a lot of questions about how you’re going to make a home for him.

Well, him or her, since you can’t choose gender, fur length or much of anything else. And they might put a computer ID chip in your pet. Or is it you “animal companion?”

Let’s here it for the geniuses of Allerca, a company in California (where else?) that’s come up with genetically engineered kittens that don’t give off the stuff that make people sneeze and their eyes water and swell and itch.

Poor Felix. A simple ally cat, possibly relegated to the Great Litter Box in the Sky.

Or Sylvester. At least now Tweety won’t sneeze and give his position away during Sylvester’s battle for survival (namely eating birds.)

Or Garfield. Alas, poor Garfield. Second class cat, along with Felix and Sylvester. After all those years of feline glory.

You have to wonder about paying four grand for a cat, plus shipping and handling (a charter jet ride to an “authorized” veterinarian in your area. Two thousand more for that, in round figures. And two thousand more if you want a better spot on the waiting list. The Alerca website says this can save you months – even years of waiting.

Oh, and they’ll throw in a bunch of “superior” cat food for your trouble.

Mice, birds and cicadas worked for millennia. But not for these cuties.

Most people found their cats at the animal shelter – or were found by kitties in the neighborhood.

But, of course, the faint of heart were unable to put up with an occasional sneeze or watery eye.

So, what’s eight grand among friends, right?

If you want a cat, you can get one any day of the week. No waiting.

For eight thousand dollars you can get the best home theater system made. And a cat.

For eight thousand dollars, you can get a house full of semi-decent furniture. And a cat.

For eight thousand dollars, you can pay for your freshman year’s tuition at most of the community colleges in America. And a cat.

For eight thousand dollars you can buy the services of a cleaning man or woman who’ll do a much better job than you will. And a cat. And you’ll have plenty left over.

For eight grand you can help a New Orleans family of 12 rebuild. And a cat.

For eight grand you can probably buy a judge or congressman. And a cat.

For eight grand you can buy a fallout shelter just in case North Korea decides to use the A-bomb it says it has. And a radioactive cat.

I'm Wes Richards, my opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.

(c) 2006 WJR

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