Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Haliburton And Other Mid East Tales

215 In The Middle East

A couple of stories of note out of the Middle East in recent days.

First and most important is that Haliburton is moving its CEO to where its heart is – Dubai. It’s much easier to kiss emirate ass when you’re near to it and Houston is much too far.

So, the oil and water and engineering conglomerate, kind of a CIA inside the CIA, once piloted by that well known corporate genius, Dick Cheney, can now set up shop near the source of its real money. Congrats, Haliburton.

Of course, your main office in Texas will remain in Texas and your Delaware incorporation will remain in Delaware. For now, anyway.

It’s not a terrible idea. They ought to move all CEOs to the countries where they can do the most good. GM could move to Beijing or Seoul. (So could half of America, actually.) You want to solve the immigration problem? Move Home Despot and 7-11 to Mexico.

Move ExxonMobil to Pakistan.

Move Disney to Saudi Arabia.

Underage Porn dot com’s already in Lithuania or Albania, and the best Chryslers come from Mexico and Canada.

Move Lukoil to Russia. Oh, wait. They ARE in Russia. Sort of.

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The other big story out of the Middle East is Osama Bin Laden’s 50th birthday. We know he has been solicited for membership in the AARP, but we’re not sure whether he’s accepted. There’s been a lot of “chatter” as the security people like to call discussions carried on the internet and on short wave radio. But we don’t actually know whether he’ll join the Senior Citizens’ Lobby.

But it would make sense. After all, discounts on insurance (who needs life insurance more than this guy?) And there’s Tent and Cave-owner’s insurance. You never know when a sandstorm is going to come along and wreck your mobile encampment. And why pay retail?

Plus he can get all those AARP discounts on the Mantovani and David Rose records, and that “Best of Anita Kerr Singers” and “Best of Lawrence Welk” albums are hard to resist. (Bet you didn’t know Old Osama is a big fan of Champagne Music. Of course, they don’t CALL it that in Afghanistan. There, it’s Sparkling Grape Juice Music. A little awkward in English, but it has a nice ring in Arabic.

When Verizon plunks its CEO in Tripoli, Osama can be closer to the source of his satellite telephone network. Always nice, especially if you have service problems.

Got phone trouble? Send a guy with explosives strapped to his middle into Sony headquarters. That’ll get their attention. None of this “your call his very important to us. Please wait for the next available service representative…” for Osama, baby. “Fix my phone now, or get to meet Allah and some extraneous virgins.”

Joining the AARP is one thing. But we’ve done some research and discovered that the AAA doesn’t want him. Something about not wanting to tow spitting camels out of sand dunes.

I'm Wes Richards, my opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.

(c) 2007 WJR

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