Monday, April 11, 2011

846 Second Hand Waves

846 Second Hand Waves

Oh, goody! Another posting about cell phones! But wait. This one can help you even if you don’t have one. Yes, as a public service, it’s time to disclose a deadly affliction that hangs in the air everywhere and victimizes even the unsuspecting.

As we all know, using a mobile phone causes brain cancer. Although nobody’s performed conclusive research, there’s little doubt in many minds that this is true.

And we all know cigarette smoke can cause lung cancer, heart trouble, emphysema and a host of other ills and that second hand smoke is as bad for you, almost as bad for you as using an actual cigarette.

But what about second hand cellphone waves? Might they not also affect you even if you don’t use a cellphone? Of course they do! Since everyone else is using one, there’s little doubt that we can expect a wave of brain trouble even by non users. And the problem is getting worse, what with the explosion in smartphones that people use constantly for texting, gaming, e-mails, driving directions, internet surfing and on and on.

So here’s the public service part of this discovery: We need new laws.

First, cellphone use should be banned in public spaces. It’s a health hazard and you have a reasonable expectation of protection from the guy on the next bar stool who is yapping on his iPhone. And if smoking is banned in offices and factories, on subways, trains, planes and buses, it should be banned in any closed space.

Second, as an individual you can fight back. Say you’re walking along the street and stopped for a light. Guy walks up and stands next to you. He’s talking on his phone. You attract his attention and make a face that says “ewww!” and wave your hand as if trying to fan away the waves.

Third, Madison Avenue should come up with the same kind of anti-cell phone campaign as it did to fight against kids’ thrall with Joe Camel.

Fourth: There should be warnings on the phones and their boxes. “Warning: The Surgeon General has determined second hand cell phone waves are dangerous to the people around you.”

Fifth: prospective employers should give tests to prospective employees. Any trace of cell waves and they’re disqualified.

We have to prevent people from spreading their brainwave distortions to the rest of the innocents.


C O R R E C T I O N

Wessay #844 An Open Letter to Al (4/6/11)
In first graf, read xxx Einstein’s death on April 18, 1955 at age 76 xxx (fixing year of death and adding age at death.)

Shrapnel:

--KatieWatch: Latest rumor is she and Matt Lauer will be reunited and put on a syndicated talk show, to be produced by their former boss, Jeff Zucker. Or maybe it’s just Matt’s best path to a mega-raise at the Today Show.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com.
© WJR 2011

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