1095 Forty Two, Skidoo
Yes, yes. The original phrase was “23, Skidoo.” But this isn’t about the Flatiron Building or the 1920s or any of the other things “23” brings to mind.
This is about one of the most common waist sizes among American men and which is close to impossible to find. The orphan diameter.
If you’re anything between a 32 and a 38, you can get pantsed anywhere. In the department store, from the catalog. Every color, style, material, “look” feel or pattern.
Getting a 40 is iffy. But Eddie Bauer and Banana Republic and Macy’s mostly have something, something that’ll fit, limited in color and style that it may be.
If you’re 44 or more, you have the world of big and tall shops and catalogues and websites from which to choose.
(Note to self: please pick a spelling -- either spelling -- for catalogue/catalog and stick with it! And for that matter, Skidoo/Skadoo too.)
So if you’re between 44 and 60, no problem.
If you’re 30 and 38, no problem.
If you’re 40, you take your chances.
If you’re 42... skidoo.
Stroll around a mall in, say, Altoona PA or Buffalo NY or Hattiesburg, MS and what do you see? If there are any guys there, they’re All American Double-wides.
And chances are, they’re fully clothed. But it’s daunting to walk up to one of these walking walls and say “hey slim, where’d you get them thar’ jeans?”
You know where they didn’t: at the mall they’re walking in.
You confront a store clerk after failing to find anything larger than 40. “Hey, do you ever look out the door and see what kind of guys are walking around out here? You DO? And you see these great big guys? And what do you tell them when the walk in here, ‘don’t even bother, we don’t have your size?’”
“Oh... 42 is in the catalog, here use my phone.”
You can’t try it on over the phone.
-- Rest in peace, Upstate Onion Farmer. That’s what they called Carmen Basilio, dead at 87, whose claim to fame was that he once beat Sugar Ray Robinson, pound for pound the best professional boxer of all time, according to Muhammad Ali, who these days is too modest to keep calling himself “the greatest.” Robinson reclaimed the middleweight title a year later, 1958. Basilio was a good boxer, and a lucky one but not a great one.
--Can Mitt Romney now collect unemployment comp? Some White-guys-over-65 didn’t vote for him but certainly hope he’s eligible. Wouldn’t want the poor guy to go broke... and it’s not a handout like -- you know: Social Security, Medicare, VA benefits and the GI Bill.
(No dogs were hurt in the making of this blog post.)
--Weed tourism in Colorado and Washington State? Sounds like a goldmine after each legalized pot on election day, setting up a land war with the federal government and which the federal government will ultimately win. Meantime, you can fly out there without a plane.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2012