About those New Year’s resolutions you’ve been thinking up: forget ‘em. You’re never going to keep them anyway. And maybe you shouldn’t.
At this time of year, we remember Jim Fixx, the man who made jogging a part of the language. After his “Complete Book of Running” hit the shelves (we had shelves, not Kindles and Nooks in those days) everyone became a jogger.
On the morning of Friday, July 20, 1984, Fixx went for his morning run in Vermont and later that day died of a heart attack. He was 52 years old.
Just the other day, pioneer organic food expert and promoter Russell Libby of Maine died after 50 years of eating only the best organic fruits and vegetables available. He was 56 years old.
You resolve to exercise and eat right? Good plan. You might gain an extra day or two. But don’t count on it. Stories like this make you want to get a “Hoveround” even if you can walk perfectly well, and to eat for the rest of the year exclusively at Burger King.
Or you can use the Wessays™ Sure Fire New Year’s Resolution Keeper System, offered here free of charge.
Since you won’t keep your resolutions, make sure they are of the kind you wouldn’t dream of keeping in the first place.
“I am going to gain 25 pounds in 2013.”
“I am going to resume smoking in 2013.”
“I am going to skip my (mammogram) (prostate screening) (drivers license renewal) (hunting/fishing license renewal) in 2013.”
“I am going to get a direct phone connection to Cinnabon and use it at least once a day.”
“I am going to be kind to my next door neighbor no matter what his dog does on and to my lawn.”
Or, you can make resolutions about things you already do:
“I am going to have a midnight snack even if I have to awaken to do it.”
“I am going to fill the gas tank when it gets down to the ¼ mark.”
“I am going to threaten not to vote in the next election but change my mind at the last minute purely out of habit.”
“When I set the table, I will put my own silverware in place last.”
Those are easy to keep and will give you a feeling of accomplishment.
But forward-looking New Year’s resolutions are bad for your health. They produce stress. They produce guilt when you don’t keep them. And that’s good. Why? Because it shows we haven’t fully discarded our consciences.
--Under the tree this year: an old fashioned stovetop percolator. Takes forever to make a pot of coffee. But it’s worth every minute (hour?) of the wait.
--Sign of the times: Midnight mass at the Vatican was held at 10 pm, Rome time, Christmas eve. This proves that things over there don’t always move at glacial speed.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
© WJR 2012