Friday, January 10, 2014

1277 Day Care for Husbands

There’s a Facebook joke picture about a “husband’s day care center.”  You park the old man there when you want to go shopping and you know “how Hiram is about things like that.”  


Hy takes a novel with him.  And his tablet and his phone and sits in the “husband chair” at Macy’s where guys congregate while their wives go through the opaque ritual of shopping.  That’s boring.  The day care system could easily come of age.


ESPN on the TV.  Telling tall tales or comparing shopping excursions… conversation pits where guys can have a hot dog and a beer and talk about the time the he spent 5 hours in TJ Maxx waiting while Martha explored all 10,384 variations of undergarments.


Books on cars, fishing, hunting, baseball, football, boxing and WWII.  All for a modest fee.


You fellas know what the story is.  You need a pair of sneakers.  You go to the mall.  You hit the first department store you come to.  You look around for two seconds, find a pair in your size and try it on. It fits.  You buy it.  You head to the car and head for home. End of story.


The Mrs. goes to the mall.  She’s going to buy an outfit.  She finds the “perfect dress,” which takes maybe two hours.  Then she hunts for a matching pair of shoes.

She finds the “perfect pair of shoes.”  But it doesn’t match the dress so she goes back and hunts for a matching dress, which -- eventually -- she finds.


Now for the handbag.  She finds the “perfect” handbag.  But it doesn’t match the shoes.  


Okay, one store never is enough.  It’s off to the next to find the shoes to match the handbag.


This is can turn into an endless loop.  But eventually self control, determination and exhaustion win the day and she makes all the purchases.  They’re “not perfect” but “they’ll have to do.”


Meanwhile, husband is having a good time swapping lies with the other husbands at the daycare center.


“Clara! You’re finished already?  Don’t you need foundation and eye shadow or something?  I’m watching the Mets win the ‘69 World Series.”



Shrapnel:


--Does anyone believe Gov. Christie when he says he didn’t know about his staff cooking up traffic jams on the approaches to the George Washington Bridge to make life miserable for a picayune political rival? Probably not.  But he’s right about one thing: It sure was a dumb move.


--Mayor de Blasio wants to eliminate the horse drawn carriage rides, and has made no secret of it.  But horses are as much a part of Central Park as pigeons, the Great Lawn and bad pretzels.  And opposition is quickly getting organized.


--Some luxury car and luxury home sales are up, an indicator that the recession really has ended for (ahem) a certain segment of society. But there’s good news on the poverty front, too. A major maker of major appliances has started offering color coordinated interiors for their refrigerator boxes.


I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2014

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