1393 The Wizard of IS

This is about the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria, also known as ISIS and occasionally ISIL.  Here at Wessays™, it’s called IS (Pronounced isss or, if you prefer, “izzz.”)

Okay with that out of the way, we’re off to see the Wizard of IS, that far off land where up is down, Munchkins wear strap-on C4 explosive and the witches wear hijabs both on and off the broom. Where the Scarecrow has been baked into bread, the Tin Man has all the oil he needs and the Cowardly Lion has been executed with a pen knife for … cowardice.  It’s where Dorothy becomes a prime candidate for an honor killing.

We don’t know who the Wizard of IS is because he’s hiding behind the curtain.  But we have a plan.  All we need to do is get him out of that little control room where he runs his world from an iPad.

As IS trains American recruits, we are going to train IS recruits.  Expose them to the “corrupt” western society, where you don’t have to die to find willing virgins.  (It’s harder than it used to be, but with State Department and Pentagon funding, the CIA can work it out.)

We can do a lot of good.  Teach them how to land airplanes.  They’re not good at that.

Teach them to eat bacon like real Americans.  Let them know that our acres of sand are generally bordered by water.  (We’ll have to start them out in Arizona, just to get them used to the cooler temperatures.)  

Ask them why only Sultans have Bentleys and Benzes… they can, too with a little down payment and a low interest lease.  Just don’t blow it up because there’s a damage clause in the contract.

They woo our youth.  We can woo theirs.  Before you know it, some Americans travel to the Merry Olde Land of IS, rip the curtain behind which the little man stands, smash his iPad and … take care of him.

Well, never mind the usual IS solution which would be a beheading.  Just read him his rights and throw him into a newly Americanized justice system where he can languish until the recruits max out their credit cards and start getting calls from collection agencies… also like real Americans.

We have plenty to offer these crazies.  It’s just infiltrating their ranks that poses a problem.

But we’re Americans.  We don’t let little things like that stand in our way.

Somebody start a Facebook page and a Twitter account.  And maybe Google+ if you must.

And where are the big money right wingers when we need them?  Buying loyalty is as American as dunning.

Shrapnel:

--Why do American and British kids join IS? For the same reasons they join any street gang.  A sense of wanting to belong and a penchant for senseless violence. What they become is expendable casualties- in- waiting.

--Why does the Wizard want American and British kids?  Propaganda value and a penchant for senseless violence. Oh, and a need for expendable casualties- in- waiting.

--There has to be an entrance exam. But it probably isn’t as tough as those given in South Central Los Angeles or on the Brooklyn waterfront.  And hazing must be a thing of beauty.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments and death threats to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2014