Monday, October 13, 2014

1395 A Few Good Menches

Harvey doesn’t look a day over 90.  Of course, he won’t disclose his age.

Harvey shuffles regularly from his little Cape Cod in Moote Point, NY to… to…

To where, Harvey?

“Oh, here and there.”

Yes, to here and there.  We don’t know exactly where “here” or “there” are. But on the table next to the door, where he plops down the mail, there’s an envelope with an El Al Frequent Flyer Rewards logo in the upper left.

Hey, Harvey, where does El Al fly except Israel?

“Oh, here and there.  Enough about my travels, sit down.  Here, I have some coffee for you.  Black, two sugars, right?”

No sugar, Harv. Gave that up the sugar years ago.  

“Well, I’m getting a little forgetful.”

Yeah, you’ve been around for awhile.  How old are you, anyway?

“Old enough.”

So what was so hush hush that you couldn’t talk about it on the phone?

“Oh you know I don’t like the telephone.  Especially these days with all those spies and such.”

Okay, I’ll ask again, and please turn up your hearing aid.

“I don’t wear a hearing aid!”

So what’s that stuck in your ear, something from the Secret Service?  An iPod?

“So, listen have you ever… Oh, how’s the coffee?”

Terrible.

“Good. So listen, have you ever considered working overseas?”

No way, Har-VAY

“Well not so fast, hotshot, maybe I can change your mind.”

So we go to his computer, an antique, really.  Runs Windows XP.

Windows XP? Aren’t you afraid of getting hacked?

“Hacked, schmact.  Who cares.”

Harvey types a few commands and up comes a website … The Mossad? It’s recruiting?  Out in the open?  Just like that?

One quick look, and …

This is from “The Onion,” right? Or Mad Magazine.

The Mossad is looking for a few good men?  Really?

“No, boychick.  This is the real deal.”

So the Israeli spy agency is having trouble finding recruits? No, but not always the kind they need at the moment. Speakers of languages they never thought about last century.  People with tech skills that didn’t exist last century.

So, Harvey… what!  You’re a recruiter?

“Nah, I still work for the Department of Agriculture. I’m an SCI, supervising chicken inspector, Kosher division.”

And you use an antiquated software program on a superannuated computer?

“I might have access to something a little fancier if I need it.  So what do you think, are you in or what?”

Nah.  But maybe you need an extra inspector in the Kosher chicken division?

“Are you kidding?  We can’t get approval for new pencils let alone new people.  And if this guy Perdue is elected in Georgia…”

I don’t know, but I don’t think he’s a member of the chicken Perdue family.

“What does it matter. Here, I’ll print you the Mossad page.  Take it home.  Think it over.  But now, it’s time for my nap.  Glad you liked the coffee.”

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2014



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