Oh, goodie, it’s time for the monthly energy report from GougeElectric! The envelope please.
Oh, goodie. We get “below average.” Big time. Almost as below as our “most economical” neighbors. And down from “superuser” status of only a few months ago.
The lower the use figure, the better the grade. Like golf. Low score wins.
Time was, we were higher than the highest spendthrift users on our block. You know the type: they never turn the lights off. Their electric stove is on for three meals a day. They have an old washing machine and an industrial capacity clothes dryer into which they feed the weekly laundry of two adults, three teens and a newborn.
They hoarded 100 watt bulbs when you still could get them and they burn them by the dozen in 3,000 square feet of interior space. They have sunlamps and soldering irons. They have an electric grill on the deck. They have a 150 gallon hot water heater that leaks. They have central air conditioning that keeps their house at a steady 68 degrees all summer and electric heat that keeps the temperature at 78 degrees all winter.
We’re better than that.
We have a gas-fired furnace and a gas fired tankless water heater. We are soooo eco-friendly.
The furnace came with the house. But the water heater was an add on. It cost a couple of grand. But we’re walking sandwich signs for Earth Day. The add- on will start paying for itself in 2035 at which time the median age in the house will be 107.
And then there’s the gas bill. Used to be pennies. Now it’s dollars. Combine the two, and we still save a bit. Not anything that would buy us a Kia let alone a Lexus.
Okay, but our carbon footprint is so low!
And the electric company is swooning at our miserly use.
Another year or two and there will be so many of us Earth Day poster children that GougeElectric’s stockholders will start complaining about decreased earnings. The company will ask for a 23 trillion dollar rate increase and settle for an average of 30 bucks a month from each of us.
Meantime, taxes will rise for the gas companies. So the price of natural gas will go up and our net savings will be… um… negligible.
These sandwich signs are heavy.
--Speaking of things electrical, have you noticed that washing machines that are supposed to be able to tell time can’t? With the exception of coin laundries, new machines say they’ll be done in an hour and then stay up all night. Speculation: the washer and dryer are more than “just friends.”
--There also may be something going on between the stove and the microwave. They’re always texting each other. And they’re always on the phone at the same time.
And for the Formality Police: Fragment count: 6.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2015