Monday, May 02, 2016

1637 The Myra Project

One of the major computer makers has named the Wessays™ Secret Mountainside Laboratories the main contractor for the Myra Project.

This is derivative.  It would never have been thought of had it not been for Siri, Apple’s “digital assistant,” the one who guides you to the nearest pizza joint or charging station for your Tesla.

Siri was kind of an electronic version of Eve of Adam and Eve.  She gave birth to the no name electronic assistant in Android systems, Cortina at Microsoft and Amazon’s “Alexa.”

An electronic quartet, perfectly in tune with all the habits your electronic device has learned about you from sources legitimate and illegitimate.

Soon they’ll be joined by Myra, the digital assistant with a difference.

Myra doesn’t coddle you.  Myra argues.  Myra is blunt and to the point.  Soon, all of America will be Myramaniacs with a smattering of Myraholics.
“Myra,” you will ask, “where is the nearest pizzeria?”

And the reply:  “Pizza?  You want pizza? You lose 20 pounds… maybe then we’ll talk pizza. Meantime, if you’re hungry, there’s a new ‘Granola Bazaar’ 12 miles from your location and they have top rated sprouts.  You want directions?  Maybe I could call them for you and order for pickup?”

How does she know your weight?  Heh heh heh.

“Myra,” you will ask, how’s eastbound traffic on the George Washington Bridge?”

And the reply: “First, you can’t get there because traffic is backed up from Lodi. Second if you DO get there, you’ll find construction on the upper level right lane and you know the mess that turns into.  Third, EZ Pass only at this hour.  You don’t have one. Why didn’t you take the tunnel, stupid!?”

“Myra,” you will ask, “When was the war of 1812?”

And the reply: “Are you (expletive deleted) kidding?”

“Myra,” you will ask, “when does the Jets game start?”

And the reply: “The Jets?  Why would you want to know that?  Three PM, eastern time, you loser.”

“Myra,” you will ask:  “What should I give my mother-in-law for her birthday?”

And the reply: “You could give her the Hope Diamond wrapped in Aladdin’s Lamp and you still wouldn’t be good enough for ‘her baby.’ Give her what she really wants… Grandchildren.”

“Myra,” you will ask, “how many grams in a cup?”

And the reply:  “How should I know?”

The possibilities are endless.  But there are some last minute bugs to work out.

“Myra,” you will ask, “Will you please tell my spouse when I leave work?”

And the reply: “Spouse is a marriage partner. The word comes from the Latin sponsa or bride and sponsus, male partner in marriage.  May I direct you to a translation site?”

“Myra,” you will ask “where is the nearest pizza parlor?”

And the reply: “Look!  Asked and answered. Is it that you just don’t listen or that you’ll think I’ve forgotten something we discussed five minutes ago?  Ask again and I’ll fry your motherboard.”

Gotta tweak the code a bit and fix that stuff.

Shrapnel:
-- Cheer and jeer for Target Stores.  Cheer: Pro LGBT bathrooms. Jeer: dropping their pharmacies and turning them over to CVS.

Today’s Quote:
--“If this material works out, I’m going to use it at Goldman Sachs next year. Earn me some serious Tubmans.” -- President Obama drawing laughs at the White House Correspondents Dinner.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2016

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