Our President, The Magician, prides himself in his ability to make deals. To tempt you with his prowess, he has just broken a contract with hundreds of other countries and wants to “renegotiate” the Paris Climate Accord.
His faithful audience roared its approval, telling us that was a good move for America because if he hadn’t, we’d be footing the bill for the UN’s administration and other countries’ participation.
His assistants, all of them former Rockettes, came on stage and took bows. Nothing like a magician who shares the spotlight, although Jeff Sessions doesn’t look all that great in tights and heels.
But credit where it’s due. Hooray for The Magician. He just saved us trillions. That’s dealmaking!
Now that he’s set the precedent, why not look at other deals that are bad for America and renegotiate those.
--The UN Charter: This is another of those agreements where we are a junior partner. Oh, yes, we can veto anything we want in the Security Council. But what about the General Assembly. We should have veto power there, too. If nothing else it would be a boon to the New York City Parking Violations Bureau. Also, we wouldn’t have to put up with those pesky moves to feed and medicate poor children and attempt peace in the face of war.
-- NATO: Campaigning, The Magician said he wanted to withdraw. That’s a bit extreme. But defending our fellow members from any old attack? Pishposh! Do you care if Russia attacks Iceland? Or Turkey? Especially Turkey. They’re just a tool of the caliphate anyway.
-- THE FEDERAL RESERVE: Bunch of do nothing bankers sitting around fighting an inflation that never seems to happen. Let some inflation in. It’ll make your bond portfolio and your villas more valuable. Oh… you don’t have any of that stuff? Well, no matter. Real Americans all do. You can, too. All you have to do is work harder.
-- THE TAX CODE: Did you know there are jillions of people who pay no taxes? That’s because they don’t have much money. They fall below the minimum income requirement. They should pay their fair share. And the tax code, larger than the last pre-internet Manhattan phone book, is so complicated, no one understands it. Understanding would help everyone who DOES fill out a return. Plus the rich would get some serious breaks. If we don’t lower their share, how will they afford their stock buybacks? Especially if there’s inflation. Put in something about “job creations” or “job creators” because somewhere, someone will actually hire someone to work full time. Maybe. For awhile.
And why limit renegotiations to government agreements. Here’s something that really needs renegotiation:
-- THE TEN COMMANDMENTS: Who, these days, covets someone else’s manservant? Are there even any manservants left? If we took out the part about not committing murder, we could clear up all those court backups and clean up the street. Drain the swamp. If we took out the part about not stealing, we’d free the banks and so many others to do in public what they now do behind closed doors -- steal.
Oh, there are parts The Magician could leave in. Things like loving your neighbor as yourself, honoring your mother and father. The graven images thing.
But honoring the Sabbath? That’s a job killer. And there are two Commandments that deal with coveting. We’ve already covered the servant part. But what about your neighbor’s wife? Why not just trim them both into “thou shalt not covet,” and break it.
The perjury laws already cover the false testimony issue, so why double down on something that works.
And finally, White House spokesman Sean Spicer and other top assistants in the magic act say The Magician is on the fence about the one covering adultery. Check back for updates.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
All sponsored content on this page is fake.
© WJR 2017