1901 You Can’t Get There From Here
Welcome to this week’s edition of American Conspiracy! Ryan Seacrest is off this week. But no worries. The votes are in and this week, you’ve chosen transportation as your winner.
Trains and boats and planes join buses, self driving cars, cruise ships, motorcycles and even Captain Kirk’s transporter room in a secret and major effort to defeat your ability to travel to or from wherever you want whenever you want.
Never in the history of the United States has it been so difficult to travel from point A to point B no matter where either point is, including down the block.
Yes, sure, the covered wagon crew had it rough. But they never faced the Transportation Safety Administration, never rode a Greyhound trained to flip on command or an Amtrak that leaps from the rails, or tries a non-stop nose dive into an immovable Penn Station bumper.
They never had to travel on the Long Island Expressway, the 101 in California, or route 80 in Lodi.
With all the airport and plane problems that beset us… with deadly train accidents… with all those extra Uber and Lyft cars on the road, and with overworked and under-rested texting bus truck and cab drivers, it’s a miracle that you can get anywhere.
Take a cruise? Bring your own water and porta-potty. Try to get a shopping cart through the supermarket aisles? This can’t all be coincidence and accidents. There must be a secret agency coordinating this stuff.
But who? The Koch brothers? The CIA? The Zionist Marxist cabal that runs the previous two suspects? Hollywood? trump? Harvey Weinstein’s bathrobe maker? Wells Fargo?
Maybe it’s the work of the evil geniuses who mis-run the New York Subway System. The transit authority has all that money and seems never to fix a busted car. They must be using it to make themselves look good compared to MegaBus, American Airlines, Amtrak and the Jersey Turnpike.
There can be no other possible explanation.
Wessays (™) questioned a former FBI agent who said his agency was experimenting with mass hysteria hypnosis as far back as the Korean War era. He (or she!) said the basic idea was to keep Americans home, give them cabin fever and provoke intrafamily violence as a way to reduce the population. The FBI has declined comment saying it can only deal with one major conspiracy at a time, and this one is not a high priority.
Not a high priority? Why they’re erasing one of our great freedoms, the freedom to travel when and where we please. It’s all happening below the surface. Well… not exactly “all.”
The other day cops in Keokuk, Iowa caught a bus driver crouched near his front tire and searching in the dark for what was discovered to be an ice pick!
His obviously concocted excuse was that he dropped the ice pick which he had intended to use to clear the frozen windshield. A likely story. You know those tires were moments away from disabling punctures.
And then there was the case of the missing Legionnaires Disease virus, stolen from a still secret lab belonging to a drug company that’s actually a clandestine subsidiary of the National Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Fort Lauderdale. Who was caught red handed with the loot? Why none other than the HVAC chief and a plumber’s assistant employed by the owners of a cruise ship about to sail for the Bahamas.
What do you think they were going to do with THAT stuff?
This has been American Conspiracy, Simon Cowell Executive Producer. We’ll be back at this same time next week with another edition, a little something to watch because every other channel will be broadcasting the Olympics except CBS which has hired a defective metronome to read the Evening News.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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