It’s nice to be thought of at this time of year. Even if the thinking comes from an insurance company. Of course, if they really wanted to give you something, what they’d do is suspend their ridiculous advertising for a week or two.
Save us from Flo, Jake, Shaq, the Emu.
Even the Gecko is wearing out its welcome along with the ever-diminishing
entertainment quality of the other ads for the company it represents.
And save us from the endless and
overlong Medicare Advantage and Medigap ads.
But no. They won’t do that. And what
the health insurance company did was send a gift box of actual stuff. Two
boxes, really, because there are two customers under one roof here. But so far
we’ve just opened one of them and redistributed the loot. We’re going to guess
that the other one is an identical twin and hold it in reserve for when we run
out of trinkets from the first.
The gift boxes are like swag bags from
trade shows. Except instead of ballpoint pens, coffee mugs, cosmetic samples,
logo baseball caps, movie tickets and the like, they have really useful
things.
Really.
The company wants us to protect our
health. They’re on our side. Especially when the state of our health
benefits the state of their finances. Hence, all kinds of healthy stuff.
In ours, there were various trial sizes
of hand sanitizer, antibacterial spray, a thermometer (it uses an app, if you
don’t have a smartphone, “try this link.” If you don’t have an
internet-connected computer, push the on button, put the thing under your
tongue and when it beeps, remove it from your mouth and read it) a finger
device to measure pulse and oxygen levels (the pulse part is dead wrong, thus
calling into question the accuracy of the oxygen detection reading.) Best of
all, a mini electric toothbrush.
Your correspondent has several crowns
on implants and two -- count-em-two -- remaining actual live teeth whose
main purpose is anchoring the dashingly handsome plastic “temporary appliances”
that help display a dazzling smile which usually is as fake as the teeth.
The electric toothbrush works.
And “you can subscribe to a new brush head and batteries, with free shipping
for just $5.00 every three months. Two triple-a batteries and one brush
head? Five bucks? Uh… no thanks. Well… maybe no thanks. The “Quip”
brushes and accessories ain’t cheap when you spot them online.
The swag box also included a large
squeeze bottle of skin goop. No one should run out of skin goop.
Especially those of us of crepe-skin age. It’s another one of the many
ways we try to ward off aging and death. Baby skin for the octo-set.
One thing they forgot to include was
some sort of device to evict the guy who lives in the bathroom medicine
cabinet. Every time while at the sink, this old coot appears in the
mirror. Who the hell is that, anyway?
I WONDER:
--If Blue Cross/Blue Shield affiliates
would consider using what they spend on swag boxes and discount coupons etc.,
to help lower premiums or hire more customer service operators.
--If insurance adjusters or claims
clerks receive rewards if they are really good at rejecting claims.
--If they do, whether those rewards are
revoked when a rejected claim is later approved on appeal.
--If there are two “Jakeses” from State
Farm, with the one you get to see depending on whether you’re black or
white.
--How they know which “Jake” to show
you?
--If “The General” and his commercial
writers know that “on line” and “save time” don’t rhyme.
--If Warren Buffett approved the
years-long and widely varied advertising campaign for GEICO, which his company
owns and which are impossible to avoid.
--If decorator facemasks will become a
permanent fashion statement.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my
own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Any Questions? wesrichards@gmail.com
© WIR 2020
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