Standing in the freezing
Black Friday morning, watching the crowds gather in front of Best Buy was a
show of pent up desire. People wanting stuff on the cheap were gathered
in the parking lot, ready to snap up a pair of those new wireless earbuds or
the latest game console or maybe the last of this year’s overpriced cellphones
… marked all the way down to usurious.
Pent up. We have
pent up desires all the time. And thinking about it, we haven’t invaded
anywhere new lately. That Afghanistan thing? Iraq? All that’s old news. It’s like last month’s whitebread or the
magazines in a doctor’s waiting room.
So where should we
pick? The Pentagon is too busy with internal combustion right now, and
its war with the white house. So let’s think this through for them like
the good-hearted, stand-up flagged up patriots we are.
There’s always
Iran. But that’s probably dangerous, in that they may have Saddam
Hussein’s old stash of weapons of mass destruction. So cross off Iran.
Hey, how about North
Korea. Nah. Also dangerous. Crazy Little Kim is just crazy enough to hurt
us pretty badly. After all, a dictator who kills his uncle can’t be
trusted to wage war in a gentlemanly fashion.
Russia? Of course not.
Not with its puppet still on the Punch ‘n’ Judy stage that passes for the White
House these days. Remember Nikita’s idle boast, “we will bury you?” Well,
Putin’s the guy who might actually do it.
We’d have to spend too
much on reparations in Venezuela, softies as we are when we actually win
one. Same with Bolivia. And Brazil
is out of the question. Our firefighters
are busy enough in California.
Ahah! Mexico! That
would be perfect. All we have to do is declare the drug cartels as
terrorists and we’re free to do what we do best: regime change.
There are advantages to
invading Mexico. First, they don’t have our appetite to fight. At
least they haven’t since they stopped celebrating victory at The Alamo.
Second, it’s close by.
That saves on both transportation costs and the creation of a workable supply
chain. Oh, and it makes the body bags less costly to ship back to Dover
Air Base.
Next, we have to search
for a puppet to install as president once we declare “mission accomplished.”
Gotta satisfy that pent
up desire so we don’t keep turning our blood lust onto ourselves.
SHRAPNEL:
--No comment this year
on Cyber Monday. Our spyware must have been discovered and debugged by
some federal busybody or a 400 pound acne-plagued social misfit operating from
mommy’s basement in Slovenia. So we have no unofficial results to report.
--The usual outpouring
of Thanksgiving editorials by newspaper publishers who can’t write has ended
for another year. They are heavy on fake heartfelt emotion and lacking in
substance. For this, we should be thankful.
I’m Wes Richards. My
opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Comments? Send ‘em here:
wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2019
