832 Culture Peace

832 Culture Peace

The Conference of New Religions has picked Madison Square Garden for its 2011 convocation and convention. The place will be packed. Twenty thousand or so of the New Faithful are expected. Great boost for the region and the nearby hotels, especially the New Yorker (think “Moonies”) and the Pennsylvania (Think PEnnsylvania 6- 5000.)

Here come the McDonaldites, the Wal-Martyrs, the eBayers, iPadders, iPhoners, iPodders, the Starbuckians and the Roadhoggers. Invitations have been extended to the Tea Partiers, the Footballers, the PoolSharks, and some others, but they haven’t responded yet.

To the uninitiated (most of us,) there aren’t major differences among these groups. But to the individual societies, tension and petty bickering abound. The conference will try to smooth them over to present a united front to the heathens (most of us.)

The Starbuckians, for example think that because this is their 40th anniversary year, they should be given special placement in the hall and that their way of life is both superior to and older than most of the others.

The Wal-Martyrs and McDonaldites point out that their churches are 42 and 70 years old, respectively.

Then, there’s the availability of the house of worship. Wal-Martyrs are convinced that they have hit upon a perfect formula, remaining open 24 hours every day. The McDonaldites apparently have agreed and are keeping their churches open around the clock, too.

The Roadhoggers had always did that, but concede that they’d rather have Johnny-Come-Lately copycats on this score than claim exclusivity.

This is a good thing. Exclusivity, barring the uninvited from worship has always been a mark of anti-ecumenical faiths. The Podders, Phoners and Padders readily jumped on board with this.

So it’s good to see all these sects coming together to present unity based on similarities rather than differences. Outsiders see them as one religion as it is. But the subtle variations of doctrine and ceremony have been keeping them apart.

There are renegades, of course. People who fear a loss of identity by getting too close to the others. The United Church of Neurotic Activians And Compulsivians, the NACs, are a case in point. They merged years ago when both the Church of the Hyperactive and the Church of the Obsessive Compulsivians fell on hard financial times. They believe they are the overall leaders of these newer groups and refuse to “take in the children,” as they put it.

So, two steps forward, one step back. Eventually they’ll realize that in unity there is strength and there’s safety in numbers.


Shrapnel:

--Quote of the 21st century’s first decade: “Holy crap. They knocked the whole fricking thing down.” This from a newly disclosed tape of an NYPD helicopter pilot or rescuer in the air near the World Trade Center on the morning of 9/11/01.

--There are those of us who don’t especially like Altoids but buy them anyway. The reason: the white wrappers and the various things printed on them. One says “In case of surrender, wave this,” Another says “Home for Troubled Mints.”

--This year’s Forbes 400 has just been published. All the usual suspects are there with four of the top ten named “Walton,” and two of the top ten named “Koch.” Full details probably Friday.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com.
© WJR 2011

820 Five Little Words

820 Five Little Words

Around this time of year, everyone is agog about the Super Bowl Ads. Which was the best? Which was the worst? Which will you remember? Which will you remember but forget what’s advertised?

This year’s game was the first in a long time that was better than the ads. So the self-induced hype about commercials took a back seat to the players on the field. Amazing!

Most of the votes seem to favor Volkswagen which featured a cute kid in a Darth Vader costume in shock when he made some magical gesture at an empty car and it actually started. (Dad was at the kitchen window with a remote starter, but the kid didn’t see him.)

But there’s a non-Super Bowl ad in circulation now that should get the Subtle Classic Award, though it takes a little bit of pre-knowledge to fully “get.”

It’s from Verizon Wireless and introduces the long-awaited and hoped for arrival of its version of the iPhone, previously licensed exclusively to AT&T, which a major consumer magazine says has the worst phone service in the country.

The iPhone does a lot of things very well. Unfortunately, making and receiving phone calls isn’t one of them. AT&T has more complaints about bad service than most of the other big carriers combined. Dropped calls, difficult to hear, difficult to be received.

Back in the day, Verizon touted the quality and reach of its network with a series of ads that featured the phrase “can you HEAR me now,” usually shouted into a phone by a frustrated user.

The new ad features the Verizon “it’s the network” logo actor, a combination of telephone lineman and tech-nerd holding an I phone to his ear and saying into it very very quietly “I can hear you now.”

Five words that speak volumes.

The arrival of the iPhone puts Verizon in an awkward spot. It has invested gazillions in promoting and selling the competing Android phone, based on a Google operating system. It has invested more gazillions in supporting and promoting the BlackBerry. Now, it has all three “smart” phones. Is that too many? If so, what’ll they do about it.

Shrapnel (Liberal Media Edition):

--Keith Olbermann has landed at Al Gore’s “Current TV.” Anyone receive this channel? If so, what else is on it?

--Arianna Huffington has landed at America On Line, selling her independent website, the Huffington Post for 315 million dollars, all but 15 million in cash. Didn’t someone just call AOL “the place startups go to die”?

--Since the Huff post now is a part of AOL and Tina Brown’s Daily Beast is part of Newsweek, there is a shortage of left-leaning women who write well and have their own websites. Which means it’s time to find a new left-leaning woman who writes well who will start an independent website. Any candidates?

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2011

811 Rotten Apple?

811 Rotten Apple?

The big question on the stock market now is “what happens to Apple (NASD:APPL) next. Same question on the high tech market. With CEO Steve Jobs back out on sick leave, the speculation about both what ails him and what’s in store for the company are on the minds of a lot of people, most of whom have no hard information.

First, we don’t know exactly why Jobs took leave. He’s been out twice before, once for cancer and then for a liver transplant. The touchy-feely company hasn’t given us a “why” and seems to be slower than a Cupertino cappuccino at letting anyone know anything.

But Apple is considered a one man shop though about 50-thousand others work there. Still, Jobs is the guiding light. He co founded the company, got thrown out, came back and turned it into a tech giant.

The iPod, iPhone, iPad and the Mac are all mostly his doing. He is generally regarded as one of the country’s leading CEOs.

The questions people are not yet asking, at least too publicly, are (1) What happens to the company if Jobs dies? (2) “What should I do with my stock?” There is, of course, no answer to either of those questions.

Optimists say the company would continue just as it was, with or without Jobs. Pessimists say the stock is not just overpriced, but WAAAYY overpriced. And its propensity to design and build everything in-house and not allow clones could eventually be its undoing. (Think Sony Betamax, the 1960s AT&T “Picturephone” and Apple’s handheld “Newton” PDA, all colossal techno-flops.)

Announcement of Jobs’ latest medical woes, such as it was, came on Martin Luther King Day when the markets were closed, obviously a guard against instant up and down (mostly downward) lurching. But a day later, when the market was open and Apple announced a rise of 78 percent in its latest quarterly profits, the stock still plunged for most of the day, though it recovered somewhat in the last hour or so of the trading session.

It’s sad to see a rock star CEO with his 56th birthday only about a month away suffer all this illness. But it’s the rock star part, not the relative youth that will trouble his company if he can’t come back.

Shrapnel:

--Where’s John? Sen. McCain, Arizona’s elder statesman, is about the only politician of national stature who has had nothing to say about the Tucson shootings. What’s up with THAT?!

--Starbucks, fighting increasing competition from outfits it considers lesser lights, is introducing a new 31 ounce container for iced drinks, and calling it “venti,” which is 30 in Italian. Will this stop the exodus of customers to McDonald’s, 7-11, and other places that brew a decent cup? Probably not as much as would making the stuff taste like coffee instead of burning tires.

--The tabloids have been reporting this for years, but now it’s actually true. Regis Philbin, 79, is stepping down from his highly rated daytime TV show which has been on the air since the early 1980s. Look for the exit in early autumn.


I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2010