Staying the Course

179 Staying The Course

12/06

Uh oh! The Commander-in-Chief is waffling. He now says there’ll be some losses in Iraq.

This is not acceptable, given the scope of the mini war he’s sent America’s young men and women to die for. (As in “it’s a war to die for!”)

When you’re losing on the battlefield, and in politics, the obvious answer is to escalate.

So let’s solve a whole bunch of problems by setting out toward world conquest. Not that we aren’t doing that, but admit it and escalate.

Since we’re there, anyway, take Sen. McCain at his word and send in more troops. Once they’re finished with Iraq, leave the army of occupation and head on over to Iran. Then Syria, Israel, the Administered Israeli Territories, Egypt, Jordan, Saudi Arabia and that handful of oil emirates that make up the rest of the middle east.

This will solve two problems. First, there will be peace in the middle east for the first time in almost 6,000 years and second, there’ll be no worries about our oil supplies. Can’t you just see all those big V-8 truck and SUV engines pouring off the line in Detroit?

India and Pakistan are threats. India because they’re unreliable and Pakistan because they have The Bomb. Conquer them and solve the stability and nuclear problems on the Indian subcontinent.

Next, Russia and the other former Soviet republics. More oil, fewer loose nukes. Easy pickings.

After that, we can solve a bunch of other problems by conquering Mexico, the Dominican Republic, Nicaragua, El Salvador and all those troublesome similar places that keep sending us illegals. Once the countries have been conquered, the immigrants will no longer be illegal.

We’ll have Venezuela surrounded and Cuba doesn’t mean anything, anyway.

Also, Mexico has plenty of oil. Maybe those V-8s should be V-12s.

China might be a problem. So ally yourself with Beijing, and conquer Taiwan, Japan Viet Nam, Laos, Cambodia, South Korea and all those other tinhorn southeast Asian “countries.” You can take care of China later, after you’ve settled the rest of the world. Oh, and in the meantime, the Chinese can knock out the North Koreans and the Japanese.

Then, it’s on to Europe. The French won’t be a problem. They’ll surrender as soon as they know you and your flight suit are coming. Same with the Swiss and the Scandinavians. The Brits? You can leave them alone. They’re American lapdogs, anyway. After China, maybe.

Forget about the tiny countries like Monaco. Lichtenstein. Belgium. Those places. Germany might give you some trouble, unlike the rest of the world which is ready to roll over and have its collective belly scratched like some idiotic cocker spaniel. Germany is not only war-like, they’re terrible recidivists. But if you already have taken over their Mexican car and coffee maker factories, if you’ve already sent Lee Iacocca in to run Daimler-Chrysler and Volkswagen, what choice have they but to knuckle under!

As for Africa? No problemo.

There you go. The plan. If you’re going to send thousands of people to die, they might as well be dieing for something worth having.

Meantime, Mr. President, have a tall one and relax.

I'm Wes Richards, my opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.

(c) 2006 WJR