Friday, April 20, 2007

Cronies

231 Cronies

You know why you can’t get anything done? Why nothing seems to work the way it should in your life? Why things just come to a grinding halt when you absolutely, positively need to go full speed ahead?

It’s because you don’t have any cronies. You need cronies in today’s world. Just take a look around you.

Attorney General Gonzales’ job is on the line as of this writing. And none of his cronies showed up at the hearings held to see whether he stays or goes. They were there earlier. Like when he was a young Texas lawyer and his draft-dodging, hard-drinking Texan hired him, and kept hiring and promoting him.

Ex-crony Bush is sitting on his hands, this time. Sitting this one out.

You know what’s going to happen.

The guys who run your town or city or county all are each others’ cronies. That’s how come they get to do things you NEVER would be able to do. Like give themselves raises, install traffic lights in front of their house or keep user-friendly quantities of semi-legal commodities in their basements.

The U.S. Supreme Court is a crony collection. So is the board of directors of any corporation you can name.

So, if you need anything, you have to have cronies.

If you did, then your phone would get fixed in two hours instead of “sometime in the next 48 hours.”

If you did, that speeding ticket would go away pronto.

If you did, the girl at the convenience store would charge you for a small coffee when you buy an extra large.

The G-men wouldn’t throw your G-cans all over the street on pickup day.

And think of the fun you’d have being a Friday night poker or pinochle player. (Canasta doesn’t count.)

Golf cronies. Chamber of commerce cronies. Medical cronies. Your whole world would improve in an instant if you weren’t just a normal every day, average Joe.

Yeah. You gotta get some cronies. And that means you have to BE a crony, too. After all, the first rule of cronyism is one hand washes the other.

So think about what valuable contribution you can make to a crony collection, and go out and get collected.

Who knows, you might be the next hole-in-one champ at Deepdale Links. You might even be a Justice of the Supreme Court (being a lawyer is not in the job description. Really.)

You might be the next President of the United States (which apparently has no job description at all.)

Or, at the very least, you can get your phone fixed.

I'm Wes Richards, my opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.

Adapted from a sermonette first delivered on WBLF Radio 4/07

(c) 2007 WJR

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