Sunday, April 15, 2007

Why Jersey Can't Read

229 Why Jersey Can’t Read

(New York) – While Governor Jon Corzine is in the Ariel Sharon ward in a Camden hospital, let us examine the drivers of his state, New Jersey.

Here’s a nor’easter. High winds. Flooding. Just the kind of weather you’d expect not to want to drive in. But here we are, entering the Garden State in a blinding rainstorm. There’s this big sign on the highway, route 80, one of the world’s worst roads, and it says “fasten your seatbelts and turn on your lights.”

We know Jon-Boy didn’t do the former. He’s there in the front of his SUV, runs into a guard rail, gets thrown to the back seat. He’s semi-comatose. Sorta like Sharon, but Sharon had a stroke, which you can’t control.

Big Jon’s about 300 pounds, maybe 6”1 or 2. And he’s the governor. Who’s going to tell him to put on the belt. He never does, anyway.

So Jon gets knocked to the back seat of the SUV, and he’s now in the hospital with all these wires and intravenous tubes going into his arms, and he’s dazed and doesn’t know who the hell he is, let alone WHERE he is and why he’s there.

And everyone in New Jersey and the rest of the world knows he’s in the hospital and is blotto, except maybe big Jon.

Now, comes a nor’easter. A monster storm. And here we all are heading into New Jersey, and the sign says “turn on your lights!” And no one does. You can’t see ten feet in front of you and they guys with the Jersey license plates speed around you and don’t have their lights one.

And you can’t see twenty feet in front of you. Yikes!

The New York guys all have their lights on. So do the Pennsylvanians. So does everyone else. Not the Jersey guys. They apparently can’t read. Either that, or they’re just not paying attention. Maybe they can’t tell it’s raining. REALLY raining. Or maybe they just don’t think the law applies to them,

After all, if the seatbelt law doesn’t apply to Jon Babes, why should the lights-on-in-a storm law apply to THEM?!

Perish the thought!

Once inside New York City, things only got worse. The lights were on. But that didn’t matter. The West Side Highway was so flooded, no one could go more than two miles an hour. Except that fella in the Mercedes SUV. He kept blinking his lights. Finally, getting out of his way, the guy passed at a fairly high rate of speed. This was at 125th St.

But when we creped into 56th, there was the guy in the middle of the road, stranded. Apparently, German engineering doesn’t work in Hudson River overspill.

I'm Wes Richards, my opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.

(c) 2007 WJR

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