Wednesday, April 08, 2009

533 Fitted Sheets

533 Fitted Sheets

Fitted sheets are a blessing and a curse.  It's great that once you fit them to your mattress they don't need to be tucked in for as long as you wish.  But getting them to fit the mattress is entirely another matter.

First, you have to figure out which side is which.  Usually, you can tell by looking at the binding.  "This" is the top of the sheet, "that" is the bottom.  Then, you have to fire out  which is the short end of the sheet, and which is the long.  It should be obvious.  But it isn't.  One almost never figures out whether the end you're holding belongs on the width of the mattress and which belongs at the length.

At some point, you figure which end goes where.

Fitted sheets are part of the Great Capitalist Conspiracy.  Sheet manufacturers are laughing at you.  You'll never know which ones.  But you might find out when you find out which conspirators packaged bedsheets in a way that precludes you from knowing which end is which.  The sewing companies are having their jollies at your expense, right now, as you read or hear these words.

Which side is up?  Which side is down?  How do you figure out whether you're working with the short or the long end of the sheet?  You don't know.  Neither does anyone else.

Fitted?  Maybe semi-fitted would be a better description.  They never sit completely right on the mattress.  There's always a dimple or a bump or both at at least one corner.  As soon as you fix it, it appears elsewhere on the same sheet.  Don't believe what you read on the packages that say "fits extra deep mattresses.  They don't.  Especially if you wash 'em before the first use, which we're told we're all supposed to do (though there may be those who don't -- something that should be a crime.)

Once washed, they never fold right.  Especially true of Queen, King and California King sizes.  No, that's not quite right.  They fold just fine if you find three other people, one to hold each corner without getting in each others' way once the first and second folds are made.

Modern technology.

--Thanks to the 238 of you who responded to my e-mail, on the Irving R. Levine Wessay.  This was the largest feedback we've had since this project began.  And it's evidence that hundreds of people "get" what Irv was all about -- which was teaching all of us about Russia, Rome and Realism.

--Are you getting bored with President Obama's first few months in office.  If so, you're not alone.  There have been an awful lot of cheerleader speeches and not a whole lot to cheer about. 

--The Russians supposedly invented vodka.  So why is this?  The Poles and the French (the French?) do it better than the ex-Sovietskis, which is unbelievable.

I'm Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.®
©WJR 2009

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