Monday, April 13, 2009

535 Now Where's That Pencil?

535 Now Where's That Pencil!

"Good afternoon and welcome to the Office Supplies Shopping Channel, where you can get all the office supplies you need delivered right to your door.  I'm Sunny Chirpy, your host and this hour's special is this marvelous Penciline genuine wood pencil at a special price.

"You know you can never find a pencil when you need one, so we're making a special offer -- including six in a box at one low price -- $6.99.  Now I have to tell you, the last time we had these on the air, the Number Two sold out almost instantly.  And today we're going to make it even easier for you to own.  Yes, we've broken the price down to two EZ payments of just $3.50.  So, just $3.50 gets these pencils on their way to you.  Not only that, but for this broadcast and this broadcast only, shipping and handling are free -- a saving of more than four dollars.

"Now, just take a look at these pencils!  And we have them in several colors.  There's a regular #2 with a yellow barrel, a red #2 with a red barrel and we also have a limited supply of green, blue and -- new for this season -- pink!  Plus we have a limited number of #4s but only in the red and the regular gray.

"Can you come in a little closer, Mr. Cameraman?  Thanks.  I want to show the viewers the quality construction of this genuine Penciline pencil.  Note the smooth wood finish. These are USA made, by the way.  Perfectly polished and painted wood.   Up here, toward the eraser, there is a first quality and beautifully decorated neck band, made from a special alloy of iron and copper.  That holds this beautifully shaped low-shred eraser, perfectly cylindrical.   But the real beauty of this pencil is down here, it's the point!  What's a pencil without a good point?  

"Now these Penciline graphite "leads" are long lasting and withstand high pressure writing.  But we all know that eventually, every point either wears down or breaks.  So look what those clever people at Penciline have done!  They've built a mini sharpener right into the box!  If you break a point, you just reach into your desk drawer pull out the box, and presto!  You have a convenient sharpener right at your fingertips.

"Two EZ payment of just #350.  And for this hour only, free shipping and handling, a saving of more than four dollars.

"Charge it to your Office Supplies Shopping Channel Visa, and we'll include a coupon for a steep discount on your next order, whether it's computer paper or ink, pens, more pencils, file folders.  All the things you have come to rely on from Office Supplies Shopping Channel.

"I'm Sunny Chirpy, and call the number on your screen right now for this one time only special from Penciline and Office Supplies Shopping Chanel."


Shrapnel:

--As of this writing, the sea piracy of American boats appears to be spreading.  Not a good sign.  But it looks like some of the guys with fishing scows have thought better of plans to confront a US Navy destroyer directly.

--Everything about Madoff is turning out to be a lie -- everything from the amount stolen to the amount of his net worth.  This brings to mind a question.  Is there really a Bernie Madoff or is his very existence a lie and we only imagined him?

I'm Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.®
©WJR 2009

No comments: