Monday, January 30, 2012

972 Presidential Tapes

972 Presidential Tapes

The new release of the last of the JFK tapes leads us to wonder when the tapes of other Presidents will be made public.

The Lincoln tapes won't be released until Raymond Massey is dead for 100 years.  But some transcripts have been leaked:
--My beard itches.
--YOU try sitting on an outdoor stone chair every damn day without looking dour.
--What's 'four score and seven' in regular numbers?
--I've never been to Nebraska.
--I'm tired.  Can't you give those theater tickets to someone, maybe the Secretary of Health and Human Services?
--Mary snores.  So I've never slept in the Lincoln Bedroom.
--Please let General Grant know that he has to switch from bourbon to rye for the duration.

The Harding tapes have been available for years, but no one has listened.  Here are some excerpts:

--Sure, I mess around with the ladies.  I can’t do this job very well, but they elected a businessman so I’m going to act like one.  Plus Flossie is an old bat.
--Tax cuts for the rich?  Sure, where do I sign?
--Hoover wants to own the oil rights in Iraq?  Sure.  Where do I sign?
--Flossie is going to tour the frontier.  She’ll show ‘em I am not a crook.
--I used to be against the League of Nations, but now I’m not so sure.

The Hoover tapes:

--The poorhouse is vanishing from among us.  See what happens when you let the market decide?
--Market crash?  What market crash?  It’s only a blip.  You’ll see.
--Forget gold.  The future lies in Burmese Silver.
--They think I can speak Mandarin, but I can’t.  Lou and I just pretend when we want to look mysterious to the White House staff.
--Depression?  Maybe you better not close up all those poorhouses.

The Dewey tapes:
--What do you MEAN I lost the election.  Can’t you read the papers?
--Bomb Japan?  Are you kidding?  We can’t do that.
--This town is even worse than Albany.
--Korea?  Where’s that?
--I’m NOT only 5’8” and these are NOT elevator shoes. You’re thinking of Van Buren.

The Carter Tapes:
--I am NOT an anti-Semite.  If you don’t believe me, just ask Billy Graham.
--This sweater was a gift from MisteRogers and I AM going to wear it on TV.
--I did SO see a giant rabbit.


Shrapnel:

--One time ”American Idol” winner Kelly Clarkson has endorsed Ron Paul for President, saying she agrees that “states should have rights.”  Out of the mouths of babes (especially blonde ones) oft come gems.  Someone tell her “States Rights” is code for slavery, unless, Texan that she is, she knows that and said it anyway.

--Twenty-seven thousand mourners passed Joe Paterno’s coffin last week and 12-thousand people attended his memorial service.  A lot of love, but a lot of anger at his brutal firing... and both were obvious.

Have You Noticed?  The latest ad fad is accents, mostly British, replacing or at least modifying the once ubiquitous Screaming Billy Mays and his legion of inferior imitators.

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2012

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