We all know how busy God is, especially in the age of phone texts and the internet. Chat rooms abound. Instant messages. Tablets (not the kind Moses had.)
So, technically, while God is off on Mondays and Tuesdays, except for early Mass, Jewish morning prayers where he’s often the tenth guy in the minyan, and the five-a-day Muslim rites, he still puts in some time. Wednesdays are occupied with after-dinner hour Bible classes. These run into Thursday because of time zones. Friday, Muslims and Jews. Saturday Jews and 7th Day Adventists. Sunday, a gazillion Christian churches.
So, Monday and Tuesday, he’d play 18 holes in the morning and then start answering -- or not answering -- prayers.
At some point, the volume got so, well, voluminous, that he had to put on extra help. Changed his email address, gave the old one to the heavenly filter-ers and addressed only the issues that they thought he would want to and passed along.
That didn’t work out because even his most experienced assistants sometimes put through wrong ones or failed to put through right ones. Plus a lot of them started to confuse themselves with him and started playing God.
But with volume at its present level and everyone agitating for face time, he has to spend at least a couple of hours between gigs on the computer.
Verizon, AT&T, T-Mobil and Sprint are all busy erecting cell towers in heaven. Good idea because there’s an awful lot of phone traffic with earth now. The new 4-G system (that’s “For God”) is due to be ready for use by the spring 2014... barring failure to win regulatory approval and if the installers don’t strike when their contract is up next year.
And that’s going to make things even tougher, what with texting exploding into the next world instead of dribbling in as now.
There’s not too much you can do about God’s personal clutter. But if your e-prayers aren’t being answered now, there are steps you can take to raise your profile.
If God doesn’t have you in his e-mail address book, your prayers go straight to his spam folder, where they have but a 30 day lifespan. So add him to your contacts. That’ll improve your chances of being heard.
--Michael Savage returns to the air tomorrow, 10/23/12, re-starting the program he ended abruptly by suing his former syndicator and -- at least temporarily -- with far fewer stations. Savage is the craziest of the crazy right wing talkers, but always entertaining if only to see whether there will be a “Dan Rather Moment,” where he really goes off the deep end and implodes. A reminder of the times when we sat around grandma’s huge dining table in the Bronx and listened to the uncles try to kill and outshout one another with the same regional accent that Savage has never been able to lose or wanted to.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
© WJR 2012
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