1189 You Have Been Pre Approved
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Av NW
Washington DC 20500
Mr. Martin Willis
Or Current Resident
2 Brooklyn Av
Moote Pointe NY 11566
Dear Mr. Willis,
Greetings from the White House. We are pleased to inform you that you have been pre-approved as a nominee for Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court.
We’re excited to announce that we are pre-approving a small select group of extraordinary Americans for consideration by the United States Senate to fill the next vacancy which is likely to arise after the 2014 mid-term elections.
While we can’t guarantee that you will be nominated, we urge you to complete the enclosed forms and return them in the post-paid envelope.
Senator Harry Reid has assured us that even if there is no spot available, nominees will be vetted and voted upon before the end of December, 2014, after which this administration is highly likely to lose control of the upper chamber.
We need your help to make this administration’s lasting mark on the United States Government. Please help us at this historic moment.
Director of Pre-hatched Chickens
Wow, imagine that. Pre approved for a job on the Supreme Court. Just like pre approved for a credit card or a mortgage loan or even a reverse mortgage.
We tried to contact Ms. Eggland-Tyson who was unavailable. However, her spokesman (everyone has a spokesman except those who have spokeswomen or spokes persons) said she was unavailable.
But he did answer some questions:
For example, he told us that just because we received one of these letters didn’t mean we were going get the nomination. That, he said, would have to wait until after a background check was performed.
Curiously, the return form does not ask for a social security number. Spokes told us the government doesn’t need that information from us because it already has it.
It didn’t ask for our position on... well... anything. He said it didn’t matter because the NSA already has all that stuff.
When we asked how many of those letters were sent he said that was confidential information. But with further incisive questioning we got him to disclose that the range was between 232 and 50 million.
Seems like a pretty good job. Maybe returning the form is a good idea. Or not.
The White House
PO Box 4
Garden Grove IA 50103
Thank you for your interest in my Supreme Court initiative. It’s people like you who help make America Great. Unfortunately, your entry reached us only after we had already chosen our nine candidates and four alternates. I regret that you were not one of them.
Always nice to hear from the President, though.
--The American Medical Association has voted to recognize obesity as a disease, even though it can’t find consensus about what “disease” means. Is this a great step in pushing doctors to more rigorously treat the condition? Or is it another way to get fancy pharmaceuticals on the approved list of drugs covered by insurance companies?
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
© WJR 2013