Here it is, people, the self help advice that can get you ahead in today’s complicated, lopsided world.
They’ve told us all along “reach for the stars.” Bah-Loney! Reach for the floor.
The only way to get by these days is to become filthy rich or to become filthy poor. Since the former is out of the question for most of us, consider the latter.
The first thing to do is get rid of that job if you have one. Get fired. Collect unemployment comp. Since you’ll be jobless, you’ll have only one real asset to squander: time.
And that’s good. You can sit in the waiting area at the emergency room all day, because what else are you going to do with your time, wash your BMW? Presto: free medical care. It just takes awhile. They can’t turn you away.
Food stamps! Not poor enough? Shed assets. Reach for the floor. There’s nothing stopping you but your own fear.
Remember what Reagan taught us: Ketchup is a vegetable.
Remember what Napoleon Hill taught us: If you can conceive and believe, you can achieve. In this case, it doesn’t even take hard work and dedication.
Need help with your heating this winter? If you’re working for Mickey D 15 hours a week, you’re not quite poor enough to qualify. So ditch that unwanted job and get your fuel oil on the cheap.
Don’t work hard, work smart! Drain that bank account. Break that CD before deadline. You’ll lose some interest. But these days the only interest that’s paid is chump change. Certificates of deposit have become like savings accounts: just take out what you need.
(In a savings account, you not only withdraw at will, you can deposit. But you won’t have anything to deposit, so that’s an irrelevant consequence.)
Reach for the floor. Obey the law of gravity! Things go down for a reason. Don’t try climbing up. It’s not worth the effort.
Think about it. All this striving to get to wherever it is you got? What has it really gotten you besides not being rich enough or poor enough to live decently?
At root, having others pay for your benefits is the most important characteristic the rich and the poor share.
So forget this “reach for the stars” stuff. Reach for the floor: it’s right there for the taking. It’s right under your feet. It’s like … falling down.
--So the Democrats got together and managed to kill the Keystone Pipeline, at least for now. Good work, boys and girls. But it’ll be back, so what’s your “plan B and where were you when we needed you for really important stuff?
--And where were you when we first learned that killer airbags were our undeclared and uninvited passengers? Now, they want a national recall. Fasten your seatbelts, and buy a helmet.
--Arms dealers in Ferguson, Missouri report a sales boomlet. Everyone’s breath- holding, awaiting a grand jury decision on whether to charge the cop who shot and killed the kid. Talk about damned if they do and damned if they don’t.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
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© WJR 2014