1506 Chris Christie's Weight Problem

It’s not his rotunditude, his suit size or whether he breaks a common bathroom scale by simply standing on it.  For all his size and girth, the man is a flyweight.  And a bully.  And just another political hack, but with a good gimmick.

The famously “moderate” Republican governor of New Jersey is no moderate.  And no President.  And possibly the only New Jerseyan on earth who figured no one would notice manufactured traffic jams at the Fort Lee side of the George Washington Bridge.

(It’s not an entrance, people. It’s an exit. Ordinarily impatient New York area drivers are waiting on US-80 to flee Jersey, and while still ill tempered, they’re tough and determined, and thus more patient than one would expect.)

We like a little swagger in our Presidents.  But just a little.  And while Chris brings off the imitation of a 14 year old high schooler better than some other candidates have, his shtick remains an imitation of a 14 year old high schooler.

We like our candidates to get around.  But Chris has spent maybe half of his second term traveling.  Raising money for his party, showing his face in places where they endorse candidates relatively early. That’s too much time.

It’s okay that he likes the Dallas Cowboys and attended a game on someone else’s dime.  But when was the last time you saw him at a Jets game in East Rutherford?

Oh… and of course that Dallas visit has nothing -- absolutely nothing -- to do with the team’s owner getting a lush contract with the Port Authority, the bi-state agency controlled from Trenton and Albany.

Like the other cartoon candidates (you know who you are!) Christie is relying on bluster and blindness (his own and others’) to win friends and influence voters.

And we love bullies as long as it’s not OUR lunch he’s demanding at the point of a baseball bat.  But times are tough in New Jersey.  So Christie wants to expand the schoolyard to all 50 states.

But he’s a moderate, you say.  A moderate bully is someone who steals only half your sandwich. Oh, and the apple.

But this is a guy who thinks he can eliminate the competition by sitting in their laps.  The surprise? He has no weight to throw around.

You want a big man in the White House?  Fine. Write in Hulk Hogan or Fats Domino.  Because underneath all those acres of skin and chins, is a small man with a big mouth and a lot of hot air.

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

Shrapnel:

--Here’s to Ed Baer, New York’s most frequently frequented fill-in disc jockey who has finally decided to retire after about 80 million programs on practically every radio station you can think of.  He even had a full time job (WHUD) for about 30 years. And everyone who knows him says the nice guy (or Good Guy since he was one of those on WMCA) he’s played on the air for all this time is the real Ed.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2015

1411 Reach for the Floor

Here it is, people, the self help advice that can get you ahead in today’s complicated, lopsided world.

They’ve told us all along “reach for the stars.”  Bah-Loney! Reach for the floor.

The only way to get by these days is to become filthy rich or to become filthy poor.  Since the former is out of the question for most of us, consider the latter.

The first thing to do is get rid of that job if you have one.  Get fired. Collect unemployment comp.  Since you’ll be jobless, you’ll have only one real asset to squander: time.

And that’s good.  You can sit in the waiting area at the emergency room all day, because what else are you going to do with your time, wash your BMW?  Presto: free medical care.  It just takes awhile.  They can’t turn you away.

Food stamps!  Not poor enough? Shed assets. Reach for the floor.  There’s nothing stopping you but your own fear.

Remember what Reagan taught us: Ketchup is a vegetable.

Remember what Napoleon Hill taught us:  If you can conceive and believe, you can achieve.  In this case, it doesn’t even take hard work and dedication.

Need help with your heating this winter?  If you’re working for Mickey D 15 hours a week, you’re not quite poor enough to qualify.  So ditch that unwanted job and get your fuel oil on the cheap.

Don’t work hard, work smart!  Drain that bank account.  Break that CD before deadline.  You’ll lose some interest.  But these days the only interest that’s paid is chump change. Certificates of deposit have become like savings accounts:  just take out what you need.  

(In a savings account, you not only withdraw at will, you can deposit.  But you won’t have anything to deposit, so that’s an irrelevant consequence.)

Reach for the floor.  Obey the law of gravity!  Things go down for a reason. Don’t try climbing up. It’s not worth the effort.

Think about it.  All this striving to get to wherever it is you got?  What has it really gotten you besides not being rich enough or poor enough to live decently?

At root, having others pay for your benefits is the most important characteristic the rich and the poor share.  

So forget this “reach for the stars” stuff.  Reach for the floor:  it’s right there for the taking.  It’s right under your feet.  It’s like … falling down.

Shrapnel:

--So the Democrats got together and managed to kill the Keystone Pipeline, at least for now.  Good work, boys and girls.  But it’ll be back, so what’s your “plan B and where were you when we needed you for really important stuff?

--And where were you when we first learned that killer airbags were our undeclared and uninvited passengers?  Now, they want a national recall. Fasten your seatbelts, and buy a helmet.

--Arms dealers in Ferguson, Missouri report a sales boomlet.  Everyone’s breath- holding,  awaiting a grand jury decision on whether to charge the cop who shot and killed the kid.  Talk about damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

I’m Wes Richards.  My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®

Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com

© WJR 2014