From Oldwaiter.com, a look at what internet search engines talk about while you’re not using them.
Search engine Oldwaiter.com: you should hear the questions they ask me. One person wanted to know where he could find information on violin lessons. I told him a thing or two. Tried to get him to switch to cellos, but no. Screech on! Imagine, a Jewish guy who wants to play the VIOLIN!
Mrs. Waiter, who is Rhoda: Nu, so what’s the matter with violins? Look at Yehudi. THERE was a VIOLINIST. And all those little Asian boys and girls with violins! If they can do it, WE can do it. Instead you want to have them all be like Yo Yo Ma? Who names a kid “Yo Yo?”
OW: Now, wait Rhoda, they can play what they like, all of them, and I don’t care, I just look up the things. But I can’t let them just go off in every direction. They have to have a little guidance. That’s why they come to ME, and not to the other guys, like Alta Vista.
R: “Alta Vista?” That’s Italian, right? Do they nose into somebody else’s business? No. So why should you? If they want violins, give them VIOLINS.
OW: So, what’s for dinner?
R: That’s all you can think of when you get home? Tonight we’re supposed to go to the Bernsteins’ and I’m not dressed yet.
OW: Oh, Rhoda, I’m too tired to go anywhere, can’t we just have a little something here? Or maybe some Chinese takeout?
R: If I were one of your question askers, you’d let me go to the Bernsteins’. “Search for Bernsteins’” “Answer: A nice couple down the block. He has a real job. He’s a plumber. What do you do? Sit around all day and answer questions about everything. You’re all of a sudden a Professor? You with your fancy mail order degree?”
OW: You’re making fun of my job again? So who found you that nice fur? Who found you that nice stereo? Who gets you all those books? Who figured out how to get cheap car insurance?
R: You’re just the best search engine in the world. Bernstein is taking his wife on a cruise. Do we get a vacation? No. We get 50 thousand travel agent websites and six auctions. Is that a BEER you’re holding?
OW: It’s not just a beer. It’s a new LichtenBergen Light, which I found while doing a web search for exotic beers for a customer last week.
R: Lichten-what? It sounds GERMAN. YOU are drinking a German beer?
OW: Not yet. I have to open it first. Then we’ll go to the Bernstein’s.
R: A German beer, yet. What I have to do to get this guy out once every six months!
--Pearl Harbor Day, yesterday, and we remember the sacrifices men and women made as we entered World War II. Those were different times. They were times we were all Americans and under attack on American soil, and we responded appropriately and as one, with great skill and energy, unlike now.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
© WJR 2014