It’s Christmas eve and time for another fun filled holiday grouchiness that overtakes some of us at every year.
‘Tis the season to be jolly, and already the jolly soldiers in the annual holiday war are falling into jolly ranks and files, their jolly muskets and computers cleaned and ready to fire this year's first jolly shot, both those of lead and those of electrons.
Christmastime brings out the warrior in all of us.
On one side (probably wearing red trunks) are the religious.
On the other side, (probably wearing green trunks) are the rest of us. And we, the "rest" are violating one of the main rules of military engagement. We are fighting a war on two fronts.
Front One: the normal holiday hustle. Traffic. INTENSE traffic. Mall crowds. Busy shopping websites. Bills. Clamoring kids or grandkids.
Front Two: atop this, the red trunks are pounding us.
The reds have it easier. And in true holiday spirit, they're giving us hell for our stray ways.
We're just ordinary schlubs trying to bring a little material holiday cheer to others.
It's not for nothing that our trunks are the color of money.
And, of course, the reds have their right to try to beat us up for our materialistic ways.
The early history of the holiday is buried in pagan rites and date-keeping. THAT seems not to bother anyone.
But no one is keeping a gun at their heads and demanding that they refrain from celebrating the neo overlay they've put on December 25th.
So how about a compromise. Two holidays. Christmas for Them, xmas (you don't even have to capitalize the word) for us.
They can sing carols, erect manger scenes, go to church and worship. We can sing "Rudolph," erect gift stacks, go to Macy's and shop.
We don't have to talk to each other. We don't even have to SEE each other. Well... Maybe that's extreme. Sometimes we'll probably have to ride the same subways or buses.
In which case, there may be typical mass transit battles of the boom boxes. "O, Come All Ye Faithful" vs. "Rockin' Around The xmas (notice, still no capital 'x') Tree." Or maybe battles of the iPods, during which all you will hear is "tshh TSHH, tshh TSHH, tshh TSHH," Which may be even MORE annoying.
Other than that, we can pretty well ignore each other. In fact, we can celebrate on two separate days, if that’ll make the reddies happy.
They like 12/25… and because they are so giving, a big chunk of 12/24 as well. So how about either 12/23 or 12/26. Are you fussy?
Okay, so you’re fussy. But are you THAT fussy?
I'm Wes Richards. My opinions are my own, but you're welcome to them.®
Please address comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
©WJR 2005, 2010, 2014 and yeah, this is a third run for this posting, with minor modifications in each repeat.