Monday, July 17, 2017

1821 Let's Take a Meeting



Let’s take a meeting. Not a bus or train or plane.  A meeting.

Let’s take a meeting.  Okay.  How about we take it from Paris to Poquot.  Or from Honolulu to Haverstraw.

Hey, what happened to your meeting?  I don’t know. It was here a minute ago. Someone must have taken it.

Let’s take a meeting.  Should we take it, or should we bring it.

Well if it’s taken, someone has to bring it back.  Unless you miss it. If you miss a meeting, call the cops. Ask for the Missing Meetings Bureau.

I missed the meeting.  That’s okay, you still have three bullets in the clip. Shoot again, maybe this time you’ll hit it.

You know how to take your turn.  You know how to take only one strawberry at a time.   You may know how to take your time.

You know how you take your coffee.  You know how to leave and take your football with you.

But how do you take a meeting.  And where did that horrible stupid expression come from in the first place.

It’s everywhere.

We used to hold meetings.  Convene them. Fall asleep during them. We used to pretend we were having one when someone called and we didn’t want to talk to them.  “He’s in a meeting” was the Great Shield of the 1980s and 90s.  But more recently “he’s taking a meeting” has taken over.

Trump Jr. took a meeting with some Russian lawyer. We presume it was behind closed doors.  (Aren’t they all? There’s no open door policy in meetings like that.) Well, maybe this one, come to think of it.  

The meeting started out taken by Jr. and two other administration wheels. Now, each day, we find more and more people were there.  A translator.  Some others.  Maybe a stray squirrel or two. By the time we get a head count for that session, there’s going to be no room big enough to hold them all. It’ll turn out having been held in a high school gym.  And you can’t have a closed door meeting in a high school gym because that would violate the fire laws.

(Now now, I can see your wheels turning as you ask yourself “since when did violating laws bother these people?” But that’s something to take a meeting about at another time.)

If there had just been three or four attending -- oops! -- three or four taking, we might fear what went on because a four member meeting might actually accomplish something.  And with these yo yos it can’t be anything good. Any more than that and no one would be listening. They’d be preoccupied with what they were going to say next.  Happens every time.  So taking this particular meeting probably accomplished nothing. Too many people.

Ever been on a conference call?  You know people are not listening.  They’re doodling on their yellow pads or playing Candy Crush on their iPhones or playing footsy with that hot person-of-the-other-gender at the next desk. Or taking a nap.

So please. Please hold a meeting, attend a meeting, miss a meeting.  And please, please take the A Train or take a picture or take a leave of absence.

But don’t take a meeting.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
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© WJR 2017

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