Wednesday, July 19, 2017

1822 Karma Insurance

1822 Karma Insurance

This Baldwin upright fell from the roof of a ten story nursing home and landed on a man about to visit an aunt and brought along a bottle of auntie- freeze.  Who pays for the piano, the filling of the new pothole and the villain squished into it?

Each day, we’re bombarded by insurance ads and news stories.  Obamacare, Trump care, home, renter motorcycle, boat, life, health… and more.  

We can all Sing Along with Pitch:

Fifteen minutes could save you 15% or more on karma insurance.  Call Geico.

For a great low rate you can get on- line, go to The General and save some time.

Flo. Oy.

Like a good neighbor.

You’re in good hands.

On your side.

(L to R:) Statue of Liberty, unpaid spokeswoman for Liberty Mutual; J.K. Simmons, well regarded actor and now spokesman for Farmers Insurance which is probably an easier gig than Dr. Skoda on Law & Order and Chief Pope on The Closer.


Anyone missing  from this list?  Probably, but that’s not the point.

Thing is not what’s missing here but what those sloganeer car insurance companies are missing.

What’s the goal of an insurance company? To collect fees and low ball or avoid claims.

What’s harder to identify than a smashed in passenger side door or a dent in the truck?

Karma.

You know it when you see it.  You long for it for both your friends and rivals.  And when it strikes you, especially if you’ve been naughty, what do you want most?

Protection.

So… we propose the AKA, the Affordable Karma Act.  

Karma is usually slow moving.  The AKA would speed up the process so that guy who cut you off at the checkout line or on the highway would within a day be crushed by a falling piano pushed off the roof of a ten story nursing home where he was about to visit Aunt Beth to make sure he was still in her will.

The AKA would protect you from that stalker Flo. And that other stalker, the General.  And the Geico gecko.  (The gecko would be stepped on while touring an aircraft carrier by a formation of navy recruits that didn’t yet get that “left, right, left, right thing.  Nothing left but a little green deck stain to be removed at 06:00 hours by a team of Navy scrubbing swabbies.)  Shaquille might not notice The General sitting in the driver’s seat of that sports car and the poor little guy would look like the squashed gecko after Shaq mistakenly sat down on him.

And of course your good deeds would be rewarded.  Like the time when you found the wallet with all that money in it and returned it.  And that ingrate of a fussy old man gave you a 50 cent piece and it turned out to be a fake.

There are problems. The AK act is not perfect. For example, how would an adjuster adjust? By taking a picture of the fallen piano?  By rushing in with his phone cam to capture the green stain before the swabbies got to it?

And what happens when legislative geniuses like Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell decide to repeal and replace?  And got rewarded for their effort by losing the next election?

Can the insurance industry do a better job with the webpage than the Obamacare crew?

No worries, we can expect Alex Trebek to return to the small screen and assure us that we can buy Karma insurance for as little as 35 cents a day and your rate will never go up.  The Peanuts characters can get in on the act when Met Life gets into this part of the business.

The AARP will have Karmacare supplement plans for seniors because there will be cases even the best insurance doesn’t fully cover.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
All sponsored content on this page is parody.

© WJR 2017

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