823 More On MBAs

823 More On MBAs

The medical center called with some questions, and since the phone was unplugged they left a voicemail. Thewomantalkedsofast it was hard to understandasingleword. New Yorkers talk fast. We’re used to fast talking, both as speaker and listener. But this was off the charts.

When returning the call, the answerer was as s l o w as the f i r s t woman w a s f a s t.

Questions: are you still at this address? What are the last four digits of your social security number, any change in your insurance? That kind of thing.

“Okay,” she said “you’re now pre-registered for your appointment.” This is new. But so is the ownership of the medical service, an out of town hospital which has split the practice up and into little doc-in-the-box locations scattered around town.

The medical lab had been under the same roof as the doctors’ offices. No more. So a natural question would be “where is the lab?”

“Uh... I don’t know. I can give you the phone number.”

Brilliant.

Turns out the lab is across town at one of the doc boxes, but not the one assigned to this patient. So, two trips instead of one. Big improvement, as promised early in the year by the (probably now former) administrator.

Question: “Could you have told us that in advance?”
Answer: “uhhhhhh.”

The problem, as usual, is the back office MBAs who are trained (like chimps and Cocker Spaniels) rather than taught that “if you can manage one kind of thing, you can manage anything.”

No you can’t. A medical practice is not an auto manufacturer is not a software company.

This particular medical company is attached to a hospital which is attached to a university which is attached to another hospital. The university has a business school. It’s not exactly Sloan or Wharton or Harvard. But it’s SOMETHING. You’d think in this kind of closed circuit environment one tentacle would wash the others.

Too much to hope for. Not part of the training.

It’s nice to know the MBAs can use their noses to play “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” like any trained Smeals ¹.... er, seals. Good that they can get jobs. But if they screw up the others as they screw up this one, it bodes lousy for our future in addition to our present.

And do you know why Shakespeare recommended killing all the lawyers? It’s because the MBA hadn’t yet been invented.


Shrapnel:

--Reuters and others are reporting big demonstrations on the streets of Tehran. What do you call that? A good start.

--Valentine’s Day has come and gone again. Sales of roses went through the roof, as usual. But now, Mr. & Mrs. can get back to normal as the bell rings for the start of a new round.

--Someone with some audio skills could do the world a favor. That would be editing out and saving the side-effect warnings on drug commercials and piecing them together in a montage. Fastest way to make sure people don’t “talk to” their “doctor about “CavaShon,” the new wonder drug for curing butterflies in your stomach.

1. Smeal is the name of the business school that is part of the university under discussion.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2011

822 You Want Fries With That Smoke?

822 You Want Fries With That Smoke?

Here’s the latest from the no-smoking nannies: some hospitals and companies are requiring prospective employees to take a “drug” test for nicotine as a condition of employment. And some are making existing employees take the same test as a condition of continued employment.

You want to ban smoking on your premises? Sure, go ahead. After all, they’re YOUR premises. But you don’t own Radkoj the Janitor.

The CEO of the United States of America is a smoker, although currently, he says, in remission. Do we fire him for that?

Hey, guys, smoking is legal. And one hand of the monster government heavily subsidizes the tobacco growers while another hand tells us to not smoke. Brilliant. (And shows you anti government anarchist creeps that the government is not one huge monolith.)

If you mainline Nicorette Gum, you’ll show nicotine in your pee sample. But you don’t smoke, and you don’t use tobacco.

But that’s just a fine point. The real question is “can a company restrict an employee’s right to smoke on his or her own time and in his or her own home or driveway?” Are they about to put spy cams in your bedroom? Is any of this constitutional?

If so, what’s next? Quarter Pounders and Whoppers? Fries? High test rum? Red meat? Are we to become a nation of sprouts? No, wait. You probably can SMOKE sprouts.

Some argue that non-smokers subsidize the cost of caring for smokers who get sick. So, charge the smokers more for their insurance based on probability of illness. Or better yet, don’t charge anyone for health care. We subsidize one another with Social Security, why not insurance?

They argue that smoking hurts productivity. No it doesn’t. Sloth hinders productivity. Over-driving employees hurts productivity. Putting profits before people hurts productivity.

Of course, they could outlaw tobacco. That would put a gazillion people out of work, cut tax revenues by a gazillion dollars and sharply reduce campaign contributions. So that’s not going to happen.

Even the anti-smoking lobby has questions about all this. The American Cancer Society, for one. But here’s the really scary part: the municipal workers unions, quoted in the NY Times, say this issue is “not yet on (their) radar.” These guys should have been the early warning system.

Meantime, when you work for one of these outfits and can’t smoke on the property, “I’d walk a mile for a Camel” takes on a whole new meaning.


--Shrapnel:

--You’ll hear more about this in the future, but here’s a preview of the Next Big Thing. When we write about ourselves, we use upper case “I.” but when we write about You, we use lower case “y.” Which means we consider ourselves more important than the person or people for whom we’re writing, which You better believe that’s not always true.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2011

821 Let There Be Light

821 Let There Be Light

Bill the radio engineer liked to buy his equipment on the cheap. Not like it was his money, but it made him look good to the bean-counting boss. Sometimes, cheap was okay, sometimes not.

One of the nots was this tape recorder that reproduced voice and music and made it sound like fish gargling. We brought that to his attention and he showed us the specs. Perfect this, perfect that. Everything perfect. And then he hooked up his test equipment and showed us that the spec sheet was accurate.

But it still sounded like fish gargling.

You can’t always believe the specs.

This brings us to those corkscrew light bulbs with the mercury poison inside waiting to escape. If you break the bulb, you have to call a Hazmat team. But what doesn’t escape from these bulbs is... light.

You can make measurements from hell to breakfast, and read all the stats and even check them out. But like engineer bill’s tape recorder, the bulbs are the sight equivalent of gargling fish.

Never mind that they kind of have to warm up before they even gargle. Never mind that they (allegedly) last forever and a day. Never mind that they save all kinds of electricity. Try to read beneath one of them.

The day is fast approaching that we won’t be able to buy “regular” light bulbs. So, there goes the literacy rate. But we’ve saved the planet... those of us who haven’t contaminated it with mercury.

A planet of illiterates. Why? Because they can’t see to read.

Wait until they start using these things in hospital operating rooms, dental offices and baseball stadiums.

Dr. Billybob puts down his scalpel and takes off his mask. “I’m sorry. We couldn’t save him.” But doc, it was only a tonsillectomy. “Tonsillectomy? Then why did you let me amputate his leg?”

Bottom of the ninth. Three men on. Corkscrew lights giving the stadium a romantic glow. Here’s the pitch. He swings and misses. The umpire: “Ball three.” Here’s the pitch, he swings and hits it out of the park. “Ball four!”

The other extreme, of course, is Halogen. Plenty bright. And so hot your desk lamp can double as a cook stove or an instrument of arson.


Shrapnel:

--The unofficial but authorized NBC Alumni/Retiree Association, calls itself “Peacock North.” Wonder if they have to change 51% of the name what with the new majority ownership of the company. It’s hard to figure out why they call it “North” instead of “Peacock South,” since it seems like most of the members live in Florida and Arizona.

--Ever notice that there are some people at work and you don’t really know what they do but when they’re out nothing gets done? It’s important to identify these people and befriend them if you’re not one of them. And it’s equally important not to be one of them.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2011

820 Five Little Words

820 Five Little Words

Around this time of year, everyone is agog about the Super Bowl Ads. Which was the best? Which was the worst? Which will you remember? Which will you remember but forget what’s advertised?

This year’s game was the first in a long time that was better than the ads. So the self-induced hype about commercials took a back seat to the players on the field. Amazing!

Most of the votes seem to favor Volkswagen which featured a cute kid in a Darth Vader costume in shock when he made some magical gesture at an empty car and it actually started. (Dad was at the kitchen window with a remote starter, but the kid didn’t see him.)

But there’s a non-Super Bowl ad in circulation now that should get the Subtle Classic Award, though it takes a little bit of pre-knowledge to fully “get.”

It’s from Verizon Wireless and introduces the long-awaited and hoped for arrival of its version of the iPhone, previously licensed exclusively to AT&T, which a major consumer magazine says has the worst phone service in the country.

The iPhone does a lot of things very well. Unfortunately, making and receiving phone calls isn’t one of them. AT&T has more complaints about bad service than most of the other big carriers combined. Dropped calls, difficult to hear, difficult to be received.

Back in the day, Verizon touted the quality and reach of its network with a series of ads that featured the phrase “can you HEAR me now,” usually shouted into a phone by a frustrated user.

The new ad features the Verizon “it’s the network” logo actor, a combination of telephone lineman and tech-nerd holding an I phone to his ear and saying into it very very quietly “I can hear you now.”

Five words that speak volumes.

The arrival of the iPhone puts Verizon in an awkward spot. It has invested gazillions in promoting and selling the competing Android phone, based on a Google operating system. It has invested more gazillions in supporting and promoting the BlackBerry. Now, it has all three “smart” phones. Is that too many? If so, what’ll they do about it.

Shrapnel (Liberal Media Edition):

--Keith Olbermann has landed at Al Gore’s “Current TV.” Anyone receive this channel? If so, what else is on it?

--Arianna Huffington has landed at America On Line, selling her independent website, the Huffington Post for 315 million dollars, all but 15 million in cash. Didn’t someone just call AOL “the place startups go to die”?

--Since the Huff post now is a part of AOL and Tina Brown’s Daily Beast is part of Newsweek, there is a shortage of left-leaning women who write well and have their own websites. Which means it’s time to find a new left-leaning woman who writes well who will start an independent website. Any candidates?

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2011

819 Mr. Park's Kimchi

819 Mr. Park’s Kimchi

(Note: names and some grocery items have been changed to protect the innocent. Korean translation below.)

(MOOTE POINTE NY) -- Mr. Park stands for hours behind the register in his little grocery store, a place that would make the A&P twirl in its grave, were it fully dead instead of just mostly.

Why? Because it’s exactly backward from what a major supermarket looks, smells and sounds like. And it’s sparkling clean. There’s no Muzak. The shelves are well stocked or empty, never in between. This is a quiet, gentle-seeming man who spends six days a week on his feet while the place is open. But those long hours aren’t all the time he puts in.

It’s a small place with stuff you either can’t get elsewhere or, if you can, Mr. Park’s is better.

There is no vegetable bin. The veggies are stacked in cardboard boxes near the door, which leaks a bit. Free refrigeration. Seems to work. We’ve never found a rotten head of Napa cabbage or one with brown spotted leaves that scream “age.”

Meat is another oddly handled commodity. It’s there, a-plenty, but there’s no label other than the one that says “safe handling instructions.” No label, no weight, no price per pound, no price at all. Is it good? Certainly. Is this legal? Who knows.

Actually, almost nothing has a price label, let alone a unit-price label. And unlike most Asian grocery stores in America, a lot of what is marked is marked only in Korean.

But the real reason to go to Mr. Park is the Kimchi, a mix of fermented vegetables and spices. In Korea and in the “Little Korea” in any city, you can get something like 200 variations of the recipe, any one of which can clear the sinuses better than soaking in a tub of Vick’s. Here, there’s one. Take it or leave it.

It’s contained in glass jars with screw-on tops. It’s kept refrigerated, though who knows why -- no germ can grow in this stuff.

The jars have -- you guessed it -- no labels. No weight sticker. No price tag. Where is it made, you might ask? “In my kitchen.” Probably after hours; after long days of standing behind the register. Legal? Depends. Delicious? You can’t beat home cooking.

Shrapnel:

--Home kitchens are the model of inefficiency. Two hours of prep, 20 minutes or half an hour of eating and then two hours of cleanup. If you ran the rest of your life that way, you’d never get ANYTHING done.

--Sarah and Bristol Palin want to “patent” their names and likenesses so they can’t be used without permission. The nation’s highest profile anti-government type is using … the government for protection? And what will this do to the eBay price of that Sarah bobble head and vibrator combo you’re trying to sell?

--Notice some “business hours” signs show only a slight difference between weekends and weekdays, usually closing half an hour earlier or later. What sense is that? And if the restaurant kitchen closes “at 1 am,” does that mean the medium well burger they put on the grill for you at 12:58 will be served after only two minutes of cooking and almost raw?

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com.
© WJR 2011

819 씨 공원의 김치

(참고 : 이름과 일부 식료품 항목은 무고한을 보호하기 위해 변경되었습니다.)

박 선생님은 완전히 대신 대부분의 죽은 그의 작은 식료품 가게, 그 무덤에있는 & P는 펴고을 보이게 될 장소에 등록 뒤에 시간을 의미합니다.

왜? 주요 슈퍼마켓이 생겼는지 냄새와 소리가 정확히 뒤로부터니까. 그리고 반짝 이는 깨끗해. 아니 Muzak 없어. 책장이 잘 갖춰져 있거나 비어, 결코 사이에 있죠. 이것은 장소가 열려있는 동안 그의 피트에서 6 일 주일에 지출 조용하고, 부드럽게 - 보이는 사람이다. 하지만 그 오랜 시간 그가 안으로두고 항상 없습니다

그것은 물건 당신도 다른 곳에서 얻을 수 없거나, 당신은 박 선생님의 것이 더 낫다는 수 있는지와 작은 장소이기도합니다.

아니 야채 상자가있다. veggies은 누수 비트 문 근처에 마분지 상자에 정렬됩니다. 자유 냉동. 일을 본다. 우리는 나파 양배추 또는 비명 갈색 발견 단풍과 하나의 썩은 머리를 못 찾았어요 "나이를."

고기가 다른 이상한 취급 상품입니다. 하지만,이 - 충분했지만 아무 라벨 말하는 사람이 아닌 다른이의 "안전 취급 지침을."아니 라벨, 아니 체중, 파운드 당 가격, 전혀 가격. 그것은 좋은가요? 물론. 이것은 법적인가? 누가 알겠어.

사실, 거의 아무것도, 가격 레이블을 가지고 혼자있는 단위 가격 라벨을 보자. 그리고 미국에서 대부분의 아시아 식료품 매장과 달리 표시된 것을 많이는 한국어로 표시됩니다.

하지만 진짜 이유는 박 선생님에 가서 김치, 발효 야채와 양념의 혼합입니다. 어느 도시에, 당신은 조리법 200 변형 중 sinuses 빅의 욕조에 몸을 담글보다 더 명확 수있는 것과 같은 무언가를 얻을 수 있습니다 한국과 리틀 한국 인치 여기 하나있어. 받아 말던가.

그것이 유리 단지에 포함된의 나사 꼭대기에서. 아니 배아 이런 거 성장할 수 - 누가 그 이유를 알면서도 그것은, 냉장 있겠죠.

단지가 - 당신이 그것을 찍었다고 - 아니 라벨. 없음 체중 스티커. 없음 가격표. 그것은 만들어 어디에, 당신은 말이죠? 아마 시간 후 "내 부엌에서."; 등록 뒤에 서의 긴 일 후에. 법률? 따라 달라집니다. 맛있는? 당신은 가정 요리를 이길 수 없습니다.



파편 :

- 사라와 브리스톨 페일 린은 "특허"하려는 자신의 이름과 likenesses 너무들은 허가없이 사용하실 수 없습니다. 국가의 최고 프로필 반정부 유형이 사용하는 ... 정부를 보호하기 위해? 그리고이게 그 사라 장식 머리 이베이 가격과 진동기 콤보가 판매하려 할 것인가?

- 공지 사항 몇 가지 "영업 시간"신호는 보통 50 시간 이전 또는 이후 폐쇄, 주말과 평일 사이에만 약간의 차이를 보여줍니다. 무슨 의미인가? 그리고 식당 부엌가 종료하는 경우 "새벽 1시,"그들은 요리와 가공의 두 분 후에 게재됩니다 12시 58분에서 당신을 그릴에 넣어 매체 잘 햄버거를 뜻이야?

- 홈 부엌은 비효율의 모델입니다. 초등학교 2 시간 20 분 또는 식사의 절반 시간과 정리의 다음 이시간. 당신은 당신은 어떤 일을 못할 거라고 그렇게 인생의 나머지 부분을 실행한 경우.

저는 웨스 리차드입니다. 내 의견은 내 자신의 아르하지만 당신은 그들에게 천만에요. ®
wesrichards@gmail.com에 코멘트를 해결하시기 바랍니다.
© WJR 2011

818 Carefully Selected

818 Carefully Selected

Label on a water bottle: “Only from carefully selected natural springs.” This raises some questions:

1. Do you mean “This water comes only from carefully selected natural springs?” Or did you just have a quarter inch of space you had to fill with type?

2. Are there carelessly selected natural springs?

3. If so, what’s the difference?

4. Who carefully selects the springs and what are their qualifications?

5. Do they have to take refresher courses in careful selection and if so, how often and where?

6. Are there unnatural springs?

The company that makes this stuff is Swiss-based Nestle. It’s a huge multinational, which like any similar outfit has had a checkered history in this and other countries, but seems to have a solid commitment to what it calls “healthy hydration.”

It also makes 12 different brands of bottled waters, most of them household names: Deer Park, Perrier, Poland Spring, Arrowhead, Ice Mountain and San Pellegrino among them. Do we infer from this that Poland Spring is not drawn and bottled from “Carefully selected natural springs?”

Doubt it. All the Poland Pumpers probably have to take the same careful selection refresher like the rest of the company.

It’s true not all bottled water comes from springs. Some is “purified” after being drawn from “municipal water supplies.” Someone turns on a hose in Teterboro, runs the stuff through a filter and maybe a heater and cooler and, presto, bottled water. It’s on the label. Yes, really Teterboro.

It’s a little tougher with sparkling water like Perrier. You can’t fake it in Teterboro. But don’t try to count the “50 million bubbles,” it’ll drive you nuts.

But pull back for some perspective: We drink this stuff, wasteful as the plastic bottles may be because we think its healthier. Maybe yes, maybe no.

And about those bottles... the ones that if you put them in the landfill during the Paleolithic era two and a half million years ago, they’d probably be retrievable now, unchanged and undamaged.

Now that’s conservation!

The new teeny-tiny caps are better. Use a lot less plastic. Just don’t try to unscrew them when your hands are wet or if you have arthritis.


Shrapnel:

--The comments were quick in coming for our using “nept” to mean the opposite of “inept,” most suggesting that “ept” would be more appropriate. Perhaps so, but the rest of the vast radio audience probably wouldn’t understand it and instead think we were plugging either an “Early Pregnancy Test,” the “El Paso Times,” or the “European Poker Tour.”

--The stupor bowl is just around the corner -- Steelers vs. Packers -- and after that, there might be a player lockout as the long-running union contract expires as skyrocketing profits force the teams to demand givebacks. The best thing about the Steelers is owner Dan Rooney, 78, who has smoothed over such troubles in the past, but who’s not directly involved in negotiations this time because he’s serving as US Ambassador to Ireland. The next best thing would be if Pittsburgh lost the game and with it some of its arrogance.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2011

817 New York, Welcome to Taipei

817 New York, Welcome to Taipei

This space has called the Taipei subway, the “MRT,” the most advanced and usable on the planet. Now, maybe, years behind, New York’s MTA may be catching up, at least in part.

One of the things that makes the MRT the best is a simple safety precaution. There are Plexiglas partitions between the edge of the platform and the gully where the tracks run. The train pulls in. The car doors line up with the barrier, the barrier section slides away and people get off and on. The train door then closes and so does the barrier.

The NY Daily News reports that in 2009, 90 people were struck by New York Subways and 40 of them died.

It’s not like the MTA had to go all the way to Asia to find out about this kind of thing. AirTrain does it in Queens. Some riders are worried about the cost of installing barriers on so many platforms. We don’t have figures, but eventually the agency settles lawsuits resulting from this kind of injury. People get pushed, they jump. They fall. They sue. Could barriers actually turn a profit despite the cost?

The Taipei subway never misses the gate openings. The trains glide up at speed, stop fast but comfortably right where they must, perfectly aligned. This probably means automation assistance for what we used to call the “motorman,” or “engineer” or driver. Thing is, it CAN be done.

The MRT has other advantages: It’s cheap to ride, it’s clean and you can’t eat or drink or even bring food or beverages -- even chewing gum -- to the platforms. They find you and they fine you.

And they run more trains than you can count. No one waits half an hour for a subway. And the signs tell you when the next one will arrive, and it does.

Granted, the MRT is newer and smaller than New York’s aching, aging system. But it still can be done.

Muggers and mental cases, jumpers and people without balance? You’ll just have to find a new way to kill yourselves if this project actually happens.

Shrapnel:


--Mayor Mike conducted a “Gun Sting” in Arizona where Arizona residents paid by the City of New York and intimating they might be felons bought guns of the type used in the Tucson shootings at a gun show -- and this was not the first time or the first state. Both the gun club and the ATF objected. The club sited “no legal authority,” the ATF cited its own operations manual, titled “CYA.”

--Is Mike trying to be Crusader Rabbit? No. He’s trying to keep illegal weapons out of town. For that he has legal authority and doesn’t have to answer to the ATF, not exactly the most “nept” of federal agencies.

--In a typically lunatic reaction, Nassau County has filed suit to prevent the state takeover of its finances, which it calls “political.” Sure it’s political. And so were the reasons state administration became necessary. Wake up, guys, you’re an inch away from going belly up.


I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com
© WJR 2011