848 It's The Producer, Stupid

848 It’s The Producer, Stupid

“American Idol” is winding up for the Big Finish. That means the endless and most boring season, the tenth, mercifully, will soon end. Even in its dotage, even without the elements that made it famous and closely watched in the first place, Idol scores well in the ratings.

And the contestants in this year have been widely acclaimed as the “best ever,” even by critics who (rightly) hate the show.

But it’s a fact: the stuff we’ve heard from the intentionally diminishing roster of finalists gets better each week.

Without getting into who’s better than whom, and who should or shouldn’t win, those remaining in the race are putting on star-quality performances and showing winning personalities.

Today, this troupe is far better than the gaggle of no-talents we saw at the beginning of the season. And why is that? Is it because suddenly hidden talent has emerged and flowered? No. It’s because now, these kids are working with full orchestras, backup singers, makeup artists, movement coaches, vocal coaches, professional sets, highly polished, top shelf audio and video people and first rate music producers.

These are the people behind the stars... yesterday, today and tomorrow. These are the people who fearlessly tell a performer “You screwed up. Here’s how. Now, do it again.”

The performers have to have the instinct. But the producers can take lemons and turn them into lemonade.

This program has shown over the years that America loves:

--Fat blonde women.
--Fat black women.
--Southerners.
--People with previous record deals.
--People who scream instead of sing.
--People who are willing to sign restrictive management contracts with the owners of the show.

By that measure, the biggest talent still on the show, North Carolina’s Scotty McCreary, 17, and a stunning country basso, probably won’t win because he’s okay with only one out of the six qualifications. And the biggest talent of the season, Pia Toscano of Howard Beach, Queens has already been voted off. (New Yorker, average weight, dark hair, screams only when it’s demanded instead of habitually, brilliant, near-operatic voice.)

The smart money is betting on Lauren Alaina because she’s ( a ) a fat blonde, ( b ) a southerner, ( c ) a screamer and ( d ) apparently willing to sign the deal.

But she’s also become ( e ) brilliantly produced. And it’s the producer, stupid.

Shrapnel (James Edition):

--Jim at the Gym is in his eighties and a lifelong Democrat. Watching Obama’s budget speech, he was speechless -- perhaps stunned to silence is a better description. Not as speechless as he and others are going to be when they realize what’s going to happen to their retirement funds, such as there are left of them after the Loyal Opposition takes a bad plan and makes it worse.

--RIP Jim Branch, former news director at WRFM, 78 or 79, depending on who you ask. Jim was a fine colleague and co worker, a lively commentator and a tireless truth teller when reporting the news. Cause of death was not listed in his obituary in the St. Petersburg, Fl Times.

--Jim Kingsland (see blog links at the right,) has managed to tell his readers that there are a lot of them, without blowing his own horn about it. Second lowest-keyed guy on the planet. Right behind retired MD George R. Caso of Moote Pointe, NY, who would diagnose Humpty Dumpty after the fall by saying “well, looks like you have a crack or two there, let’s we what we can do to put you back together again.”

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com.
© WJR 2011

847 Do It Yourself News

847 Do It Yourself News

You don’t need the papers, the internet, radio or TV to know what’s going on, you already do, but may not realize it. So as a public service here’s your personal copy of...

The Wessays™ do it yourself guide to the news:

Just cross out what you don’t need.

-Democrat "A" proposes something. Republicans swarm in to drag their feet and probably block it.

-Budget cuts are coming to the (federal) (state) (municipal) government.

-Somewhere in America, a local school board is planning a "controversial" project that will raise taxes and probably is unnecessary or at least more elaborate than it needs to be.

- A rap artist will be arrested on (assault charges) (weapons charges) (attempted murder charges) (murder charges.)

-A starlet will go into, escape from or be released from rehab.

-A mass transit machine (bus, ferry boat, airplane) in (the Philippines,) (Malaysia,) (India,) will sink or crash or hit something killing X number of people and injuring Y others. Later, investigators will determine (the cockpit crew was playing cards instead of flying,) (the bus driver fell asleep at the wheel) (the ferry was way overcrowded.)

-Toys and children's jewelry imported from (China) (Indonesia) (Vietnam) (Thailand) will be found to have greater than acceptable levels of (lead) (mercury) (small component choking hazards,) and will be removed from the market by (Wal-Mart) (Target) (Toys R Us.)

A US citizen has been detained in (Libya,) (North Korea,) (China,) (Somalia.)

Experts say a “toxic climate” is being created by (Glenn Beck,) (Rush Limbaugh,) (Keith Olbermann,) (Fox News,) (The supermarket tabloids.)

In sports:

-Teams that seem never to lose will lose. Or win again.

-A baseball star will be accused of using or defend himself against charges of using (steroids) (human growth hormone) (spitballs.)

-Tiger Woods will (win) (finish in the top five) (not finish in the top five) on the PGA tour.

On Wall Street:

-The Dow will close x-points lower because of (the tsunami in Japan,) (the Libyan oil situation,) (the worsening financial situation in Portugal.)

-The Dow will close x-points higher because of (mass firings at a Fortune 500 company,) (a change at the top of a Fortune 500 company,) (increased retail sales,) (decreased wholesale inventories.)

-Authorities in (New York,) (Washington,) (Cleveland,) will uncover what they describe as a Ponzi scheme and arrested (fill in the blank,) accusing him of being a “Mini Madoff.”

And that's the news... yesterday, today and tomorrow.

See? You knew it all the time.

Shrapnel:

--Waterboard Watch: People have “confessed” to the Belarus subway bombing that killed a dozen and injured 200 others. Thus, Law & Order Minsk is probably a better TV show than Law & Order Gilgo Beach. (More on the latter to be posted 4/15/11.)

--You’ll be happy to note a positive earnings report. It’s from JP Morgan Chase bank. Now, if they could teach their contractor to how to keep customer info secret, we might stop thinking of them as “Bank of the Walking Dead.”

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com.
© WJR 2011

846 Second Hand Waves

846 Second Hand Waves

Oh, goody! Another posting about cell phones! But wait. This one can help you even if you don’t have one. Yes, as a public service, it’s time to disclose a deadly affliction that hangs in the air everywhere and victimizes even the unsuspecting.

As we all know, using a mobile phone causes brain cancer. Although nobody’s performed conclusive research, there’s little doubt in many minds that this is true.

And we all know cigarette smoke can cause lung cancer, heart trouble, emphysema and a host of other ills and that second hand smoke is as bad for you, almost as bad for you as using an actual cigarette.

But what about second hand cellphone waves? Might they not also affect you even if you don’t use a cellphone? Of course they do! Since everyone else is using one, there’s little doubt that we can expect a wave of brain trouble even by non users. And the problem is getting worse, what with the explosion in smartphones that people use constantly for texting, gaming, e-mails, driving directions, internet surfing and on and on.

So here’s the public service part of this discovery: We need new laws.

First, cellphone use should be banned in public spaces. It’s a health hazard and you have a reasonable expectation of protection from the guy on the next bar stool who is yapping on his iPhone. And if smoking is banned in offices and factories, on subways, trains, planes and buses, it should be banned in any closed space.

Second, as an individual you can fight back. Say you’re walking along the street and stopped for a light. Guy walks up and stands next to you. He’s talking on his phone. You attract his attention and make a face that says “ewww!” and wave your hand as if trying to fan away the waves.

Third, Madison Avenue should come up with the same kind of anti-cell phone campaign as it did to fight against kids’ thrall with Joe Camel.

Fourth: There should be warnings on the phones and their boxes. “Warning: The Surgeon General has determined second hand cell phone waves are dangerous to the people around you.”

Fifth: prospective employers should give tests to prospective employees. Any trace of cell waves and they’re disqualified.

We have to prevent people from spreading their brainwave distortions to the rest of the innocents.


C O R R E C T I O N

Wessay #844 An Open Letter to Al (4/6/11)
In first graf, read xxx Einstein’s death on April 18, 1955 at age 76 xxx (fixing year of death and adding age at death.)

Shrapnel:

--KatieWatch: Latest rumor is she and Matt Lauer will be reunited and put on a syndicated talk show, to be produced by their former boss, Jeff Zucker. Or maybe it’s just Matt’s best path to a mega-raise at the Today Show.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com.
© WJR 2011

845 Time(s) On My Hands

845 Time(s) On My Hands

The current generation of the nearly fished out gene pool that owns the New York Times has established a pay wall for the paper’s website. If, as legend has it, things happen in threes, this is the third “event” in a series and we should be finished with nonsense from that part of 8th avenue, at least for now.

The first two were:

--Building the Ochs Box, a monstrously expensive headquarters building in an era of declining revenue and deserves the Pritzker Award for ugly.

--Selling radio station WQXR.

The paywall is not original with the New York Times. The Wall St. Journal does it. So does Long Island Newsday. And it’s true these papers can’t survive on print ads, coins collected from newsstands and subscriptions, so -- okay, charge us to read.

Presently, at least, the Times is cheaper than the other two papers. A small consolation.

The paywall has been parodied in the Huffington Post. And in public meetings, the Times’ publisher has defended the complex and confusing subscription system with both anger and haughtiness.

An (inter)net result of the change is those of us who cough up the money now will be protecting our investment by reading the site more frequently and more closely.

On a recent morning, we found such fascinating stuff as an in depth look at the fashion statement made by men’s sneakers, a review of the “M. Wells Diner” in Long Island City, Queens, a tour of a house in New Delhi, and obituary for long time governor Ned McWherter of Tennessee.

McWerter was one of the good guys, it seems. But how many Times readers ever heard of him or -- if they did -- cared?

Ah, you say, but this is the stuff that makes the Times the Times.

Nah.

What makes the Times the times is extensive and detailed reporting, extraordinarily informative headlines, global reach and general reliability. And then, there’s the perception by liberals that it is conservative slanted and by conservatives that it is liberal. Nice. By displeasing everyone, it is doing its job. Also, it is one of only two essential American news sources.

Okay, so they need to raise money. Charge for use? Sure, why not. Just don’t tell us, as you have, that it’s for our own good.

The Grey Lady as poll dancer and streetwalker. Maybe the new building on 8th Avenue wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Location, doncha know.

All this brings to mind a line from a Tom Lehrer song: “Now there’s a charge for what she used to give for free, in my home town.”


Shrapnel:

--Footnotes to the above: the other “essential news source...” is the Associated Press. The Pritzker thing is considered architecture’s Nobel Prize. The Android smartphone version of the Times’ site likes to crash fairly regularly.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com.
© WJR 2011

844 An Open Letter to Al

844 An Open Letter to Al:

We’re fast approaching the anniversary of Albert Einstein’s death, April 18, 1976. Since it’s unlikely that he reads his mail these days, we’ll send it to your eyes, instead.

Dear Dr. Einstein,

Some of us are a little concerned about your well being, even though you’ve been dead for going onto 56 years. Lately, people have started to notice you, probably in a way that would either tickle you or anger you.

Even though your theories of relativity are each more than 100 years old, people still study them. Most of us have no clue about what you said back then. But we know YOU, or at least we know pictures and cartoons of you.

The custodian of your estate, Hebrew University of Jerusalem is raking in bucks in return for renting you out as pitchman for soft drinks, cable channels, watches, computers and t-shirts.

The school says it earns over one million dollars a year in fees from use of your name and likeness. Dead as you are, you have become one of the universities most generous and reliable donors.

As dead celebrity earners go, you’re no Elvis, John Lennon or Sinatra. But still, what you bring in is a decent amount.

So, would all this attention please you? Or would it honk you off? It’s no secret you were unhappy with your fame while living and you said so on more than one occasion, taking sharp-tongued aim at all the folderol generated by newspapers and magazines. Fortunately for you and for the people who thought as you do about public attention, you missed the media storm that was gathering about the time you died and has since grown to hurricane strength.

But if you think newspapers were loud, you should only hear what 500 channels of television, another 500 of radio, plus the internet can do in the decibel department.

Some of the hyper- and uber- academics look down their noses at these seemingly frivolous product endorsements. Pay them no mind. They’re just jealous. Almost no one knows them by name. Few of them have made an Einsteinian-size contribution to knowledge. Their names aren’t household words if they’re known at all.

Today, you’d be psychoanalyzed from a distance. You’d be castigated for your hair do, your fashion sense and your violin playing.

In some ways it’s better to be a photo, a cartoon or a label.


Shrapnel (Premium edition):

--Followup to Wessay™ 843, “Opting In-Opting Out: Apparently this space has started a small wave of Opters-out from Verizon’s “Premium Messages” “service.” Glad to be of help, folks, and thanks for the kind words.

--Actually, the board of directors here was thinking about starting Premium Wessays.™ Going to double the price and not tell you. Oh, wait, $0 x 2 =$0... so never mind.

--We might all consider not buying anything with the word “premium” attached to it and that isn’t a saltine cracker. Overwork has killed the concept. Maybe decent words should unionize to improve the number of times each is called upon to exceed heavy lifting standards.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com.
© WJR 2011

843 Opt In-Opt Out

843 Opt In-Opt Out

Your smart phone is smarter than you are. And more devious.

The phone bill comes the other day and instead of being merely too high, it’s WAY too high. We have all kinds of features. Readers, texting (relatively unlimited,) internet (entirely unlimited,) and all kinds of what they’ve come to call “apps.”

So with a carillon of bells and a Calliope full of whistles, why are we being charged for something called “premium messages?” In Verizon-speak, a premium message is a text someone sends you and that costs when you open it. Cost hardly begins to describe it. It’s just under $10 a pop. There were two on the current bill, both from the same sender, unknown to us.

One was about why crocodiles don’t need dentists (they grow new teeth throughout their lifetimes,) the other’s been forgotten. Short texts. They would fit on Twitter. While news of the crocs is interesting, it’s hardly worth ten bucks. Or any bucks.

A call to Verizon informs us we get those things because we didn’t “opt out” of premium messages. Okay. Except who knew we had them or had to opt out? It’s not in the pound and a half of instructions that comes with cell phones these days. It’s not on the endlessly long receipts. It’s not in their advertising. The salesman said nothing about it. And had we known to ask, what would he have said? Forecast: a puzzled look and “what are you talking about?”

Those generous souls at the phone company agreed to “forgive” the twenty bucks for the two short texts and allowed opting out. But they justified charging for them in the first place by proclaiming “we are doing nothing illegal.” Ahem. Lots of bad stuff is legal. Just ask one of those ex-smokers who’ve suddenly and mysteriously developed an “allergy to cigarette smoke.”

This kind of junk is something one should have to opt into, not out of. And it’s hard not to wonder what other as yet unused “services” will leap out of the next bill.

New York Tel used to advertise “If talk is cheap, blame it on the phone company.” Nifty slogan. But what about “premium messaging?”


Shrapnel:

--Mass transit pop-tops. We now have planes that lose part of their ceilings in flight to go along with the buses that lose their tops while traveling through the Bronx. “It don’t leak when it don’t rain” is not an acceptable reason for the hole in the roof of a jetliner, but at least the passengers didn’t have to pay extra for the skylight view.

--Corporate Justice. The owners of the killer-polluter oil platform that blew up in the gulf typically award “safety bonuses” to their executives and did so in their most recent pay period. They “earned” two-thirds their largest possible bonus amount and some execs got raises in the neighborhood of 30% of their base pay.

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com.
© WJR 2011

842 Conspiracies!

842 Conspiracies!

In March of 2009, about three years ago, this space was devoted to the foibles of navigating by GPS. Tech years are shorter than dog years. So here we are, two years later and times have sure changed.

Even though the technology has skyrocketed and prices plummeted, almost no one buys these devices anymore. Why? Because they come built into many new cars or because your “smartphone” has a built in GPS application.

So here we have two conspiracies. One, the “guys who are out to get you” have a much easier time tracking you. Between the GPS and the EZ Pass, everyone who wishes has the ability to know your every move. The smartphone travels with you both on wheels and on foot. So spying on you is even more detailed than previously.

You never know when an enemy agent awaits you in the candy aisle of the grocery store, the next table at the restaurant or even in the car behind you.

Better watch out, you paranoid. (You’re important enough to track and follow? Highly unlikely. Someone has the time to track and follow? Equally unlikely.)

But increased sophistication aside, there’s a newly emerged conspiracy that’s even more sinister than your psychotic fears.

The new kids on the block are the gasoline companies. How so? Check out some of those routes the GPS gives you. Say you’re heading east on Route 27a. You want to get onto route 27, which runs parallel. So you stop in a parking lot, let the GPS find your spot and then program in your destination.

You know all you have to do is make a left, go a mile or so and make a right and there you are. But that’s not what the GPS tells you.

Here are the instructions: “Make a left in two blocks. Turn left onto Central Parkway and go one block. Then: turn right on Yale Rd. Yale road turns out to be a dead end the gizmo didn’t know about and discovers only belatedly. So it tells you “make a U turn proceed back to Central Parkway, turn right on Central Parkway. Turn right on Babylon turnpike. Turn right on Route 27.”

The thing has taken you six blocks out of your way. Your Lexus SUV has used twice the gas it would have if you had followed your nose. Plus “Route 27” isn’t marked “Route 27,” so you don’t really know you’re in the right place until you make the turn and travel awhile. Assuming all the “27” signs are still standing, you will see one within a mile. Which may already be beyond your final destination.

You will pass at least two gasoline stations in that trip, and they will be beckoning you. And if you fall victim to their siren song, they will send a nice payoff to Exxon.

(For reference: Wessay™ #520 Knowing What You Don’t Know:
http://wessays.blogspot.com/2009/03/520-knowing-what-you-dont-know.html .)

I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®
Please address comments to wesrichards@gmail.com.
© WJR 2011